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Just a quick word to say….

I got married!

Unbelievable eh?

It was the most fun I’ve ever had at a wedding which is a great thing. Didn’t want the day to end, what fun!

Just got back from the honeymoon. Now to get back to the grind….

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Final Measurements

After the last post we took our final pictures and measured our shrunken bodies for the last time. To say the results were phenomenal would be an understatement! Both HES and I were surprised at just how much we lost, not on the scale by around our bodies.

I am down 15lbs which is nice but somehow I lost a total of 17.75 inches off of my body! This includes 4.75″ from my waist, 3.5″ from the hips and 2″ from my moobs aka chest. I wasn’t the only one that lost big. HES lost 10lbs and 11″ from her body in the six-week challenge. This includes 3″ off of her waist and 1.75″ from the hips! Neither of us can get over just how skinny we feel in the midsection.

And as if this wasn’t enough, I still feel like there is plenty more to lose! We talked about it and decided that we are going to stay fairly hardcore for another 4 weeks until HES’s 30th bday and hopefully we’ll have even better results by that time. Even after the birthday we will continue to eat better but allow a few more acceptable things into our diet.

For the past week I haven’t lost any weight but for the first time today I had to pull my belt to the 5th and innermost loop to keep my pants on.  This belt has seen me go from the outermost loop to the innermost. I love it. What a change in such a short time! Six weeks is nothing!

We’re hoping that one of us will make it into the finals to have a chance to ‘win’ the competition, but honestly I think the two of us feel like we’ve already won.

Before and After Pics Coming!

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44 days (or so) of Paleo

Well here we are on the eve of the end of the Paleo competition/experiment. This is something I apprehensively set out to do with HES and a team of people but in our eyes it has been a huge success. I have no clue if  HES or I will win the competition, but I feel as if we have already won….or lost..haha. The changes that have taken place these past 6 weeks have been phenomenal and I feel these changes have given us a new fire and energy for everything we do! Nearly everyday we come home and talk about how good we feel and how excited we are for the future.

We have definitely seen some weight loss and inches melt off of our middles, but I won’t know the real numbers until tomorrow. Perhaps the biggest change and most inspiring thing is how different we both feel,…especially my lovely lady. For the past few years she has constantly been struggling with bloating, irritation and all sorts of digestive issues. Since cutting out all of the sugar, dairy and grains she has done a complete 180. In addition we both have more energy, better sleep and happier dispositions! Sounds crazy, but it is true. I’ve always struggled with the afternoon slump but I rarely have that feeling anymore. My energy is constant throughout the day and I love it. I rarely wake up at night anymore and for the most part feel so much more rested in the mornings.

The thing that speaks volumes to us is that we’re not the only ones. There are some amazing happenings going down at the boot camp as many others are reporting the exact same thing as we are. I go online and see all of the other success stories and transformations and think “there is something to this”. The best part is that it is not that hard! I have never lost inches as easy as I have these past few weeks. All of my fellow Krav instructors are beside themselves and asking “what are you doing? You look so fit!” etc..etc. That means a lot coming from folks that are in tip top shape.

So now what? We started this competition thinking it was a ‘diet’, but we’ve ended it knowing it really has become a way of life for the both of us. I don’t think we can ever go back to the way we were.  The hardest thing is knowing how to incorporate some of the food we restricted. I know I will have to be careful allowing too much sugar back in my diet or I will want it all the time again, thankfully I have found some pretty amazing natural alternatives for that. HES will have to watch the cheeses, but after 6 weeks we’ve found we just don’t crave them as much as we used to….we still love them, but we realize we don’t need to eat 10lbs of cheese a week. :)

This has been such a life changing experience in such a short time I wish everyone could or would try it. Many people scoff and think it’s just a fad diet, but if you’re serious about your health I highly recommend a look at it. ****WARNING OPINION**** I think that the conventional wisdom, FDA, doctors and the like have really led us astray. The traditional food pyramid is a joke and eating that much grain/sugar has caused our nation of people to not only balloon in size but  accept things like Type 2 Diabeetus, high blood pressure and obesity as a normal way of life. This is wrong wrong wrong and completely depressing. Knowing what to put in our bodies should not be so difficult to figure out, yet there is so much misinformation, confusion and lies as to what is good for us we’re left with our heads spinning. Ridiculous.

Tomorrow is the end of the competition, but the beginning of a new way of thinking.


The T-mobile Store - For Adults Only

I was sitting at my desk pretending to do some work this afternoon when my friend calls me:

“Hey! Did you upgrade your phone yet?”


“Well now is the time to do it, T-mobile is having an awesome sale this Friday and Saturday where ANY smartphone is free with a 2 year agreement.”

“No way.”

“Yes way!”

I wasn’t sure if I should believe her so I looked it up on the Internets and sure enough T-mobile is practically giving away phones. I am in dire need of an upgrade since my current (un smart) phone likes to randomly turn off and add extra letters when I type. I think smart phones are cool, but they always seem so expensive so I have avoided upgrading to one.

I wrote my friends who are in love with their smart phones and they gave me some guidance as to what I should get. After the work whistle blew signaling the end to another glorious day I made my way to the T-mobile store to see what all the hype was about. As I entered the store I was greeted by a chubby salesman with bushy mutton chops that would make Elvis turn in his grave.

“What can I do for you?”

“I wanna know about the free phones this weekend.”

Mutton chops immediately shot me a look and said

“Where did you hear about that?!”

I suddenly felt like I was privy to some sort of insider T-mobile info that only Catherine Zeta-Jones or that new girl in the polka dot dress should know.

“Well a friend called me and then I saw it online.”

“Oh, ’cause we’re not supposed to tell anyone yet and I didn’t think T-mobile released any info about it.”

We chatted and I confirmed the deal was as bitchin’ as it sounds and this delighted me down to my frinkly toes. After getting all the details I decided to go check out a few different phones even though I was pretty sure which one I would choose. Most of the phones were off and had a screen shot pasted to the front of the display. Lame. What a great way to sell a smart phone by not turning it on! After some more searching I found a phone what was similar to the one I was looking to get. I started playing around with the display and thought it might be cool to see what the internet and software keyboard felt like.

I opened the internet (amazed I even found it) and since I have never used an on screen keyboard I took my time and slowly tried to navigate to After 15 seconds of very deliberate typing I managed to type in ‘msn.cpm’. The little phone crunched away trying to navigate to a site that didn’t exist and I tried to stop it by pushing all of the buttons. Eventually I hit a magic button that brought the phone back to its main screen.

Again I brought up the internet and meticulously typed in m…..s…..n… When I pushed ‘go’ I realized I had added an extra letter and typed in ‘msnm’ (or something like that).

“Damnit!” I exclaimed, just as an elderly man stood next to me and began looking at a phone.

It was then that I encountered the speed of the 4G network. A site quickly popped up and staring back at me were a pair of eyes and other parts of a woman that I did not recognize and words flashed across the screen “The internet’s HOTTEST girls!”


I frantically started pushing buttons on the phone faster than a Stenographer at a murder trial. Nothing I pushed took away the adult images and I’m pretty sure the old man next to me caught a glimpse of ‘Busty Betty’ and ‘Voracious Veronica’. In the midst of my panic I actually ZOOMED in on the web page which was the exact opposite thing I was trying to accomplish. In a flash of brilliance my brain told me to think of home and ‘go home’. I pressed the home button, the phone went back to the home screen and I decided that maybe I should go home as well.

I laughed the whole way home. Some poor soul is going to get an eyeful when they check out the internet features in that T-mobile store, courtesy of me.

On second thought…..maybe I’m not ready for a smart phone.

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But don’t you need to jailbreak it?

This is Tony through and through. If you ask Tony what he’s thinking, he’ll tell you he’s thinking about the latest and greatest Droid phone. If you ask him what he’s doing he’s playing with his Droid phone and if you ask him where he’s going, he’ll tell you he’s going to talk on his Droid phone. Tony loves his Droid phone and he never misses and opportunity to tell anyone about it.

This comic reminded me of him.

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A Really Good Day

I woke up yesterday knowing there were places I needed to go and peoples I needed to see. But I really had no idea just what kind of day it would turn out to be. It had the recipe and all the fixins to be a great day but I’m no chef and sometimes when you put too many ingredients together you end up with a sticky plate of mush.

I started the day with 2 eggs and potato pancakes, mixed those with a little girlfriend and a dash of ‘who the hell is justin bieber?’ and we were off to a good start. As the breakfast slowly snaked its way through our mazey intestines we stopped off at my house to download an expansion for a  360 game while it was still on sale. We had some time to kill so while HES became engrossed in a book about making her boyfriend happy (I don’t really know what it was about, but I assume that’s what she’s readying about) I decided to play a few games on the ‘box. After a 20 minute struggle in Toy Soldiers I finally beat the level I had been stuck on for days. Woot, high fives all around. Since there were a few minute left to spare I popped in Battlefield 2 BC2 and proceeded to Rambo the other team into oblivion. This was only a taste of things to come…but more on that later.

After the brief gaming interlude we packed up our things and headed over to Kat’s house to watch the Blazer game. She cooked up more food than a nagging non-kosher Jewish mother. Non-kosher because of the pulled pork tacos and crab won-tons. Nevertheless, delicious and really there was little to no nagging. The Blazer game was incredible! If you live in Oregon and didn’t watch the game, what the hell is wrong with you? Kat gave me a whole recliner to sit in but I only needed the edge. The game kept me on my tailbone my stomach twisted. Brandon Roy came back and surprised everyone, the Blazers decided to show up and play basketball and in the end we won! High fives all around for the second time in the day.

I left Kat’s house on a happy high while I made my way to Phil’s house so I could testify. He was complaining about how he was famished since he hadn’t eaten for 45 minutes so I picked him up some Arby’s to stuff in his yapper. Andy and Liz were in his living room when I arrived so we had a nice mini-GFU reunion. Rockband was fired up and it lasted about 3 minutes before his crappy bass pedal broke on the drum set. Not to be outdone, Andy and I set out to fix it using airplane epoxy and our intuitive wit. While we let the pedal set we returned to our rockin and had to use strategy to make it through songs as the drummer would always be in the red since he missed so many bass pedal notes. After we determined the bass pedal was again ready for action we hooked it back up and tried to play Jimi Hendrix’ ‘Bold As Love’ I say try because it was only 2 minutes before Phil’s hammertoes managed to break the pedal again. My favorite Testify song was the only song left and so we finished up the night shaking the walls to Rage Against The Machine. Totally awesome, and a round of high fives for the 3rd time in the day.

I took HES home so she could get to bed before a Sunday morning shift. After dropping her off I came home and thought my super great day was coming to a close. But then I remembered that I had some cookies so I ate a bunch of those while I caught up on the news of the world and tried to decide if I wanted to watch a movie, play games, play guitar or go to bed. I decided to fire up the 360 and see if any games would pique my interest. I was bopping around the dashboard for only 3 minutes before an old college friend, we’ll call him “loobs” jumped on and invited me to Bad Company 2. I figured I’ll play for a little while and then head to bed.

We met up in the game, formed a squad and strategized to beat the other team. In this game you work together with your team against other online players to take and hold positions on the map. You can play 1 of 4 classes all with unique abilities. Assault, Medic, Engineer, Recon. Assault throws out more bullets for your team, Medic heals people and brings them back to life with defibs, Engineer has the ability to destroy or repair tanks and Recon….well recon is supposed to go out and spot where the enemy is and take out heavy armor but if you’re like most people in the game you simply put on a monkey suit and wait in the bushes to snipe a few bad guys in the process of barely helping your team. I don’t know if we were just lucky or the stars were aligned to give me the perfect Saturday but I played the greatest games I have ever played. We didn’t lose a single game, I went the entire time dying only once or twice (that is unheard of in these types of games) and each time loobs and I were at the very top of the player list. Usually our games are full of so much frustration we’re not even sure why we play. We played for 2.5 hour and during the final hour I had to pee so bad but I wasn’t willing to stop the roll we were on. Finally my fatigue and urine caught up to me and I had to quit out, but not before sending cyber-high fives to loobs and giving myself a pat on the back.

I fell into bed and as sleep quickly took over, my mind raced through the day indexing all the silly memories for a later time. I rolled onto my sleeping side and thought “Damn, what a fine day it was”.

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Top 10 misspelled words.

Oh man. This could not come at a better time. I was just hopelessly harassing HES this morning about her accidental misuse of the word lose/loose. I’m not usually a grammar Nazi like my friend Phil, but lose/loose always gets me. I can forgive there, their, they’re and it’s, its, heck I can even look past then, than but when you workout you lose the weight and then your pants become loose. There is nothing loose about a fat person. That’s how I remember it. Their pants are tight, arteries are tight…if they’re big enough maybe you could say that their backside-arm-jobbys are loose but if they’re packing around loose arm jobbys they need to lose weight.

Sorry, that was quite a rant. Now on to the link!

Don’t be an A-hole, definitely go to the oatmeal and laugh.

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I’m not a very good boyfriend

I found this out last night en route to my friend Liz’s wedding reception. I was all suited up in my sharp duds and fancy shoes walking arm in arm with HES on my side. It was cold out (as we all know) and even though I thought we were moving along at a brisk pace m’lady asked if we could step it up a notch since she was shivering and cold. Quickening our pace we approached the crosswalk where HES suggested that we cross. I began to look left and then right to see if it was safe but my concentration was interrupted as I felt a strong downward pull on my left arm. On the corner of my eye I could see that HES was down near the ground and I thought “what is she do—” when without warning my left foot shot up towards the sky, followed by my right foot. I remember seeing the crosswalk, then the lights, the sky (ooh look Orion!) then the sidewalk…up close. It seems that even though the streets were wet and above freezing, the dippy part of the sidewalk that segues into the street was a sheet of ice.

Yes friends, I fell on my girlfriend. Not just any fall mind you, not a half trip where I land on her foot or a slip where I half catch her as I fall. Nope. I’m not that good. This was a 100% feet flying out from underneath you fall and the only reason I’m still alive to talk about it is because the girlfriend cushioned my fall. I’m not saying she’s ‘cushy’ no no, I would never say that, I’m just saying she was a barrier between me and the hard cold ground. Laying on the hard cold ground in your spiffy duds doesn’t make one feel very cool. I quickly sprang up to make sure she was ok, but really I was trying to stifle my laughter. I probably wouldn’t have fallen had she not pulled me down, I was strong until my slippery dress shoes made contact with the ice, after that it was all over. Not even He-man could’ve kept his balance.

We dusted ourselves off and made sure the middle age ladies approaching the crosswalk didn’t try our trick of falling and proceeded to go to the reception. At the reception is where I learned the #2 reason why I’m not a very good boyfriend. At some point I apparently told HES that this reception was ‘casual’ which I don’t remember doing, but I must have. I thought HES looked beautiful but after about 2 minutes she turned to me and said “well great I feel completely out of place” I figured it was because she didn’t know anyone, but in reality it was because everyone was so spiffed up. Whoops. I offered her my suit, but she didn’t want to switch. I guess, you can’t win them all. We quickly ordered up some wine to soothe her nervous soul and to ease the bruise on her knee, after the wine kicked in the night went off without a hitch.

Probably reason 2.5 that I’m not a very good boyfriend is that during the reception and especially during the sentimental slide show I couldn’t stop laughing. I didn’t have a funny joke in my head but all I could see was us falling in the crosswalk. I’m sure I was getting the evil eye from the people sitting behind me. Even right now I’m giggling to myself about the fall. Man! I’m such a 10-year old.

After the reception we crossed at a different crosswalk and made it home safe. For the record I don’t think boyfriends should be responsible for telling girlfriends what to wear, we’re clueless. Heck, this one can’t even prevent himself from falling on his girlfriend! Casual, formal it’s all the same to me!

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Thanks to all my cheerleaders

In regards to my last post I am just 3 weeks shy of entering the dragon.

The dragon is Phase A training in L.A. for a week. I’ve hinted to this before in my blog or if you’ve met me in person you have probably heard me talk about it. Basically it is 7 day instructor training for students of Krav Maga. By getting through the training you are then certified to teach just the first level stuff of Krav. If you decided you wanted to teach higher levels you would be required to go back and go through another week of intense training. Now you’re probably thinking, ‘that doesn’t sound so bad, who wouldn’t want to go to L.A. in mid-October and soak up some rays while training in the sport they love?’. There is some truth to that, but unfortunately there will be no soaking of rays. The week is meant to be grueling and tough, just like everything else in Krav. Eight hours a day of non-stop sweating is how I would sum it up.

A day before my last post I was full of confusion and worry. I had been gearing up mentally and physically to get ready for L.A. when my instructor gave me all the details and said “you will probably get through it”. Even though my instructor is not one to give compliments it totally deflated me to hear him seem unsure about my level of conditioning. The next day I was a bit mopey and confused. I didn’t know if I should wait another three months to go through the training or roll the dice and go in October. I was confused until my sister gave me a call and verbally slapped me around like a pimp on a ho.

Brrrrrinnngggg brrriinnnggg

Me: Hello?
Sis: Hey what’s going on?
Me: Not much just Small talk small talk small talk weather, small talk
Sis: Oh cool, well what else is going on?
Me: Oh I’m just sitting here trying to figure out if I’m going to go down to L.A. in October or not.
Sis: What’s to figure out? I thought you were going?!
Me: Yeah but my instructor said this and that (see above paragraphs) and now I don’t know. I mean I know I’ve had a few brews and bbq’s this summer but I didn’t think I was that fat and out of shape…
Sis: What is all the drama?! You’re going.
Me: I am?
Sis: Yes, here is why. You’ve always been one that works well under pressure. So now you’ve got a month to get it all in gear, that’s plenty of time to up your conditioning to the next level. You’re going to work out 6 days week; several hours a day and Sunday will be your day to rest and soak in the tub because you’re going to need it. I’ll even bring over the Epsom Salts.
Me: Oh, ok if you think so…
Sis: Yup, that’s what you’re going to do and then you’re going to go down the L.A. kick some ass and be done with all of this!
Me: Well that would be nice, but I —
Sis: No buts, you’re doing it.

After that conversation the decision was made for me, there was no turning back as my sister wasn’t going to have any of it! Since my last post I have really turned the working out dial to ‘11’. If I am not at the Krav gym for 2-4 hours working out I am at home running stairs, doing pushups and the like. On Saturday morning I worked out for 2 hours kickboxing and taking a Krav class. After the classes a fellow Kraver and I went to the local grade school and I showed him my routine on the stairs. Up and down pushups, dips, pull-ups…up and down again. I try to make it nasty and interesting because when I’m by myself I have no one else to push me. After the workout my friend said that I was ‘nuts’ and that made me happy. I need to be if I’m going to get through L.A.

My brother-in law’s ears perked up when he heard I was in training for the big day. He told me, “You need to get your lungs in order”. Then he graciously offered to take me and Phil up to Mt. Tabor and show us how a man trains for an event. Even though he’s 2 to 3 times my age I knew it was going to be hard. That’s because my bro in law likes anything that is hard. Guns, guitars, hills, getting up early…etc.  Seven minutes into the first hill my legs were burning so bad I thought I was going to have to stop. I pushed on and kept my legs moving. They did and I was able to keep going. Once we reached the grueling stairs I caught a 2nd wind and moved to the front. I took a rest at what I thought was the top only to find out I was only ¾ of the way there. It didn’t matter too much as the stairs proved to be Phil’s waterloo and I had a few seconds to rest. In the end both Phil and I got through it, although I thought Phil’s head was going to pop off judging by the redness of his face.  

Today my legs are a little sore but they’re not used to running 2.5 miles in a row, I actually don’t feel too bad. I am pleased by this. Not once on Sunday did my lungs give out or did I completely gas out even though we were conquering hills and plenty o’ stairs. This is encouraging. Part of me is still nervous as to what awaits me down in L.A. knowing that I have never been through anything like that, but I can rest knowing I’m doing just about as good as I can here. My love handles are disappearing faster than ice cream in Phil’s house, and that is a good thing.

Thanks to all my cheerleaders for cheering me on!

KT used some voodoo reverse psychology on me to fire me up and motivate me to kick some ass.
SH said “Are we ever really ready for anything. The point is you just have to go for it”
HES said “Please don’t get hurt!”

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Things you should have seen

Sitting behind a computer at work all day affords certain luxuries. Carpel Tunnel, a sore ass and the ability to be a part of all the latest Internet Memes. Having an on going email thread with my friends Phil and Kelli there is not much I miss. Throughout the day one or both of them will fill my inbox with the latest and greatest videos, jokes, news articles and crazy things from the land of the Internet. I do my best to keep up but sometimes I do fall behind. When I am away from the computer I may make a reference to something seen online and I can be sure 99% of the time that P and K will get it and laugh joyously with me. But when I’m around friends that don’t spend their lives on the Internet or more specifically my sister, my joke falls on deaf, confused ears. And that just makes me sad.

I was excited yesterday to find “Greg Rutter’s Definitive List of The 99 Things You Should Have Already Experienced On The Internet Unless You’re a Loser or Old or Something“. After a few clicks I realized I had found a goldmine. Something for people like my sister that think the Internet is only good for checking your email and googling something (even then she has a bit of trouble). Finally we can have a conversation full of pop culture references and my well timed jokes will not fall flat.

After clicking a few of these I realized there were a few that I had completely missed. I had often seen or heard about Leeroy Jenkins but didn’t get it. Then, (thanks to this list) I was educated. I laughed and fully understood what pulling a Leeroy Jenkins was all about. H.E.S. came over last night and I was floored that she had hardly seen any off the list. We spent the night clicking through a bunch and each time I was surprised that she hand never seen things like “Diet coke and Mentos” “You’re the man now dog” (that one is as old as the Internet) “I Can Has Cheezburger” and I couldn’t believe she had never been “Rick Rolled”. Don’t worry I educated her real good in Internet last night.

I am glad to see that ‘Grape Stomp‘ is right at the top as this has been one of my favorite videos for years. Some other highlights are ‘Spaghetti Cat‘, ‘David after Dentist‘ and one I had never seen before ‘Battle at Kruger (lions vs buffalos vs crocodiles)‘ that last one is 8 minutes long and worth all 8…very cool.

So the challenge to my sister and H.E.S. or anyone else that doesn’t know what ‘All your base are belong to us” means is to watch 3 a day until you’ve seen them all. Some are weird and boring, some are hilarious or confusing and a few might be a little vulgar, but stick to the list and you’ll get through them in about a month. If you have questions as to what you just watched come and here and I’ll try to give you an answer. If I don’t know the answer P and K are only a txt away. You may not be better person at the end of it, or smarter but at least you’ll have some good insight into what the hell people are talking about when they say “Play him off keyboard cat!“.

Come back in a month and let me know how it went!

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