Archive for General Interests

Push yourself

I love, looove this commercial. This perfectly captures the mental game that plays out in my own head when I workout. In the past the weaker side of me would win out and say “we’re definitely done, now let’s celebrate with some ice cream” Now with the big Krav horse breathing down my neck the stronger side of me usually wins out. In the past few weeks I would finish up a grueling stair climb workout and even though I was exhausted, at the end a little voice would come through “can you do 3 more sets? How ’bout 5 more?” I would convince myself that I could and push through. Now instead of only doing 10-15 I regularly do 25 sets and above. I’m not a big macho man I just like pushing myself. I especially need to beat down the weak side of me during the upcoming Krav week….

Anyways enjoy the ad. Push your own self in whatever you do. And to my friends running the marathon, you can do it!

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Thanks to all my cheerleaders


In regards to my last post I am just 3 weeks shy of entering the dragon.

The dragon is Phase A training in L.A. for a week. I’ve hinted to this before in my blog or if you’ve met me in person you have probably heard me talk about it. Basically it is 7 day instructor training for students of Krav Maga. By getting through the training you are then certified to teach just the first level stuff of Krav. If you decided you wanted to teach higher levels you would be required to go back and go through another week of intense training. Now you’re probably thinking, ‘that doesn’t sound so bad, who wouldn’t want to go to L.A. in mid-October and soak up some rays while training in the sport they love?’. There is some truth to that, but unfortunately there will be no soaking of rays. The week is meant to be grueling and tough, just like everything else in Krav. Eight hours a day of non-stop sweating is how I would sum it up.

A day before my last post I was full of confusion and worry. I had been gearing up mentally and physically to get ready for L.A. when my instructor gave me all the details and said “you will probably get through it”. Even though my instructor is not one to give compliments it totally deflated me to hear him seem unsure about my level of conditioning. The next day I was a bit mopey and confused. I didn’t know if I should wait another three months to go through the training or roll the dice and go in October. I was confused until my sister gave me a call and verbally slapped me around like a pimp on a ho.

Brrrrrinnngggg brrriinnnggg

Me: Hello?
Sis: Hey what’s going on?
Me: Not much just Small talk small talk small talk weather, small talk
Sis: Oh cool, well what else is going on?
Me: Oh I’m just sitting here trying to figure out if I’m going to go down to L.A. in October or not.
Sis: What’s to figure out? I thought you were going?!
Me: Yeah but my instructor said this and that (see above paragraphs) and now I don’t know. I mean I know I’ve had a few brews and bbq’s this summer but I didn’t think I was that fat and out of shape…
Sis: What is all the drama?! You’re going.
Me: I am?
Sis: Yes, here is why. You’ve always been one that works well under pressure. So now you’ve got a month to get it all in gear, that’s plenty of time to up your conditioning to the next level. You’re going to work out 6 days week; several hours a day and Sunday will be your day to rest and soak in the tub because you’re going to need it. I’ll even bring over the Epsom Salts.
Me: Oh, ok if you think so…
Sis: Yup, that’s what you’re going to do and then you’re going to go down the L.A. kick some ass and be done with all of this!
Me: Well that would be nice, but I —
Sis: No buts, you’re doing it.

After that conversation the decision was made for me, there was no turning back as my sister wasn’t going to have any of it! Since my last post I have really turned the working out dial to ‘11’. If I am not at the Krav gym for 2-4 hours working out I am at home running stairs, doing pushups and the like. On Saturday morning I worked out for 2 hours kickboxing and taking a Krav class. After the classes a fellow Kraver and I went to the local grade school and I showed him my routine on the stairs. Up and down pushups, dips, pull-ups…up and down again. I try to make it nasty and interesting because when I’m by myself I have no one else to push me. After the workout my friend said that I was ‘nuts’ and that made me happy. I need to be if I’m going to get through L.A.

My brother-in law’s ears perked up when he heard I was in training for the big day. He told me, “You need to get your lungs in order”. Then he graciously offered to take me and Phil up to Mt. Tabor and show us how a man trains for an event. Even though he’s 2 to 3 times my age I knew it was going to be hard. That’s because my bro in law likes anything that is hard. Guns, guitars, hills, getting up early…etc.  Seven minutes into the first hill my legs were burning so bad I thought I was going to have to stop. I pushed on and kept my legs moving. They did and I was able to keep going. Once we reached the grueling stairs I caught a 2nd wind and moved to the front. I took a rest at what I thought was the top only to find out I was only ¾ of the way there. It didn’t matter too much as the stairs proved to be Phil’s waterloo and I had a few seconds to rest. In the end both Phil and I got through it, although I thought Phil’s head was going to pop off judging by the redness of his face.  

Today my legs are a little sore but they’re not used to running 2.5 miles in a row, I actually don’t feel too bad. I am pleased by this. Not once on Sunday did my lungs give out or did I completely gas out even though we were conquering hills and plenty o’ stairs. This is encouraging. Part of me is still nervous as to what awaits me down in L.A. knowing that I have never been through anything like that, but I can rest knowing I’m doing just about as good as I can here. My love handles are disappearing faster than ice cream in Phil’s house, and that is a good thing.

Thanks to all my cheerleaders for cheering me on!

KT used some voodoo reverse psychology on me to fire me up and motivate me to kick some ass.
SH said “Are we ever really ready for anything. The point is you just have to go for it”
HES said “Please don’t get hurt!”

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One month from today it begins…..

October 10th. I will Enter the Dragon.

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Things you should have seen

Sitting behind a computer at work all day affords certain luxuries. Carpel Tunnel, a sore ass and the ability to be a part of all the latest Internet Memes. Having an on going email thread with my friends Phil and Kelli there is not much I miss. Throughout the day one or both of them will fill my inbox with the latest and greatest videos, jokes, news articles and crazy things from the land of the Internet. I do my best to keep up but sometimes I do fall behind. When I am away from the computer I may make a reference to something seen online and I can be sure 99% of the time that P and K will get it and laugh joyously with me. But when I’m around friends that don’t spend their lives on the Internet or more specifically my sister, my joke falls on deaf, confused ears. And that just makes me sad.

I was excited yesterday to find “Greg Rutter’s Definitive List of The 99 Things You Should Have Already Experienced On The Internet Unless You’re a Loser or Old or Something“. After a few clicks I realized I had found a goldmine. Something for people like my sister that think the Internet is only good for checking your email and googling something (even then she has a bit of trouble). Finally we can have a conversation full of pop culture references and my well timed jokes will not fall flat.

After clicking a few of these I realized there were a few that I had completely missed. I had often seen or heard about Leeroy Jenkins but didn’t get it. Then, (thanks to this list) I was educated. I laughed and fully understood what pulling a Leeroy Jenkins was all about. H.E.S. came over last night and I was floored that she had hardly seen any off the list. We spent the night clicking through a bunch and each time I was surprised that she hand never seen things like “Diet coke and Mentos” “You’re the man now dog” (that one is as old as the Internet) “I Can Has Cheezburger” and I couldn’t believe she had never been “Rick Rolled”. Don’t worry I educated her real good in Internet last night.

I am glad to see that ‘Grape Stomp‘ is right at the top as this has been one of my favorite videos for years. Some other highlights are ‘Spaghetti Cat‘, ‘David after Dentist‘ and one I had never seen before ‘Battle at Kruger (lions vs buffalos vs crocodiles)‘ that last one is 8 minutes long and worth all 8…very cool.

So the challenge to my sister and H.E.S. or anyone else that doesn’t know what ‘All your base are belong to us” means is to watch 3 a day until you’ve seen them all. Some are weird and boring, some are hilarious or confusing and a few might be a little vulgar, but stick to the list and you’ll get through them in about a month. If you have questions as to what you just watched come and here and I’ll try to give you an answer. If I don’t know the answer P and K are only a txt away. You may not be better person at the end of it, or smarter but at least you’ll have some good insight into what the hell people are talking about when they say “Play him off keyboard cat!“.

Come back in a month and let me know how it went!

Go to www.youshouldhaveseenthis.com/

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Posture


This is an article I wrote for the latest work newsletter…enjoy.

One of the problems with being a genius on the computer is that I (obviously) sit in front of a computer much of the time. Most of my day is filled with me staring into a thin rectangular box. Even after my nightly workout, shower and feed time I still end up sitting in front of the computer for at least an hour. Sometimes I don’t even want to sit back down at the terminal but it calls to me with its shiny buttons and endless Internet. And like a chubby kid smelling cake, I can’t help but dive in.

Over time, sitting at the computer with bad posture can wreak havoc on your body. I have a friend that is an excellent programmer and has been hammering out code for the past 10 years. His programs are a thing of beauty but his spine looks like a wilted flower that has been sucked dry by the sun. He used to stand 6 feet tall but has now transferred those vertical inches forward. In other words he makes the hunchback of Notre Dame look like an all star athlete.

I shouldn’t point fingers because my back used to be strong like an Ox and straight as a board but now it’s ’strong’ like a cat and as straight as a gently warped board. The problem with me is that I sit in the weirdest positions throughout the day. Sometimes I hunch forward, other times I sit on my legs, but no matter what I always slouch. I know slouching makes me look about as professional as a guy wearing ripped jeans and socks with his flip-flops, but it’s a really bad habit I’ve had for years. I once worked with a massage therapist who gave me a stern lecture about posture when she saw how I was sitting at my computer. I really do try to heed her advice.

Possibly the most important thing I have learned to do when sitting at a computer for hours is to get my lazy butt up and move around. I’m no longer a spring chicken and I’ve noticed in my advanced age that if I sit for too long my lower back starts to hurt and my neck gets tight. Getting up and moving around doing some arms swings or cartwheels is a great way to get the blood flowing and to loosen your tight muscles. If you’re prone to headaches at work try some deep breathing and moving your head forward/backward, in a slow twisting motion or in a nice gentle circle. After being stationary for an extended period and doing these neck exercises I’ve found that my neck sounds like a bowl of Rice Krispies on a Saturday morning…snap, crackle and POP! I usually feel better afterwards, but don’t blame me if your head falls off because you were too vigorous with these exercises. Start slow.

When standing you should also try to retain good posture. Try to stand with most of your weight on the balls of your feet and not on the heels. I am guilty of standing like a flat-footed platypus all too often. Your head should be back and your shoulders upright with your arms hanging naturally at your side. I’ve noticed when people stand it’s easy to see what sort of posture they’ve been positioned in most of their life. 

Without a doubt the best way to improve your posture is to exercise. I know this bit of advice will cause many to grumble since the only exercise they get is from 12oz curls, but exercise is really key. You don’t have to lift weights and look like the governor of California, but getting outside and walking can do wonders. In addition you can do non-impact things like Yoga or Pilates that will strengthen and stretch your body. Stretching can do wonders if your body is prone to getting ‘bound up’ after hunching behind your computer day after day.

No one wants to look like a hobbling hunch back when they grow up, so take care and beware of how you sit for extended periods of time. You’ll feel much better and your body will thank you. If you grow old and end up with only a view of your toes don’t say I didn’t warn you!

 

 

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Top Gun Skills

After logging 40 flights in 3 weeks on my new RC plane one might say I’m a little addicted.  As you can imagine, I was plenty excited to pack my plane up and take it to Idaho this past Memorial Day weekend. Idaho is a magical land of rolling hills, blue skies and cow pies, but I wasn’t as interested in the pies as the first two. I’ve become quite skilled at flying in the confined local high school track and field area so I was thrilled to fly in an area that contained no goalposts or stadium lights. The family farm seemed like such a place. The country provides such openness that I was even willing to have my father and H.E.S. have a go on the controls.

The three of us walked up the lane behind the house, we found a perfect flying spot high up on a hill with a gorgeous 360-degree view of the green countryside. After a quick pre-flight check I launched my plane gently in the air. After a few minutes of soaring and climbing I had the plane about 4 mistakes high so I shoved the radio into H.E.S.’s hands. She flew along fairly well for a couple of minutes until the plane started to get away from her and she panicked saying “uh oh, what do I do?”. It seemed the plane got sucked into a vortex and wanted to fly farther and farther away, or at least that’s what she said happened.

“Let’s go ahead and reel her back in” I said as I took the radio back in my hands.

After a smooth landing and a battery change I once again took to the skies with my Super Cub. I put the plane about 5 mistakes high before handing the controls over to my Dad. He did fairly well for his first flight out until I realized the plane was being sucked into the very same vortex that H.E.S. had experience earlier, except this time it appeared as if my dad was trying to rototill the fields with the plane’s propeller. I grabbed the controls just in time to avoid the hard ground. I flew the remaining battery out and brought her in for a nice gentle landing. Things were going smoothly as I was landing the plane towards us until I quickly realized I had too much speed and height to land. Instead of throttling up for another approach I put my hand out to catch the plane (stupid I know). This was effective in not only knocking the plane out of the sky but also slicing my hand open with the spinning propeller. I bent the hell out of my propeller so much that it looked more like an uppercase “L” rather than a nice, straight capital “I”. With no fresh batteries remaining and a bent propeller, we decided to pack everything up and head back to the house.

Later that evening I put on a new prop and charged up a couple batteries. I wanted to get the bird back in the air to make sure everything was still functioning properly after my earlier faux pas. With nightfall fast approaching I grabbed my plane and headed outside. My dad had already retired to his place about a mile down the road and H.E.S. said she felt like staying in, so I went alone.

I did my preflight and powered up the Super Cub. She took off with the greatest of ease and climbed nicely against the golden clouds and the setting sun. I quickly found myself smiling and having a great time soaring high with the beautiful backdrop of the countryside in view. About halfway through the battery I was feeling confident and decided that I would keep the plane high above my head as I slowly walked down the hill back towards the house. This ‘brilliant’ idea was going along swimmingly until I suddenly realized I was in a small valley between two hills.

Then it happened.

I was so focused on my plane high in the distance that I failed to notice the gigantic pine tree in front of me about to obstruct my view. My plane flew out of view behind the tree; I panicked and ran up the hill around the tree fully expecting to see my plane in view on the other side. Instead all I saw were blue skies and pink clouds glowing from the sunset.  Frantically my eyes scanned the horizon and my ears tuned in to catch any sound from the familiar buzzing…nothing. Only stillness and the cricket’s song filled the air. My heart sank and I stood there motionless as I slowly throttled down my radio, visualizing bringing the plane in to a soft landing. I had last seen the plane heading away from me so I did a sweeping left turn in hopes the plane would land somewhere on our property, I panned the sky one last time and when my eyes failed to locate anything I turned the throttle completely off.

Darkness was fast descending across the hills so I began running up and down the rural road and through the fields searching for my plane like a boy after his lost dog. I thought it would be easy to spot a large white object against the dark green and brown fields but I had no luck. Frustrated, I slowly walked back to the farmhouse. Covered in sweat and dirt from my search I opened the creaky door to the house. As I entered H.E.S. looked up from the TV and said “Where have you been? It’s dark out there!”. I sat down in the Lazyboy next to the couch with only my radio in hand. Looking down at the floor I mumbled “I….I lost my plane….”

“You what?!” she exclaimed incredulously.

“Yeah, well it got away from me, and now I can’t find it.” I said mopily.

In disbelief H.E.S. replied, “I can’t believe you lost your plane”.

And with that a broad smile spread across her face as her quiet giggles filled the air. For the rest of the night anytime she’d talk about the plane she’d start laughing. Apparently it was the funniest thing she had heard all week. I was unable to see the humor.

I slept restlessly that night with dreams of my plane in pieces, strewn across a vast field. Morning comes early on the farm and I was up before anyone else. I quickly dressed and snuck out to launch my search and rescue operation. I drove down the road and looked in the area where I thought my plane should be. Nothing. All I saw were green fields, fences and sleeping horses (I was up before the horses!). After driving back and forth down the road I headed towards my dad’s place a mile down the road. I wasn’t sure why I was going there but I figured he’d be up and I could tell him my woes.

I pulled up to the house and sure enough, even though it was barely 7:00am he was already awake, talking on the phone! We stood in the early morning sun chatting and I told him the story of how I lost my plane.

Dad: “Where abouts did you last see it?”

Me: “Oh somewhere SE of the farm. It’s really hard to tell since it was so high and far away. When I lost sight of it I did a left turn hoping to fly it closer to the house”.

Dad: “That’s funny because I saw the most amazing thing last night. I had just come in from watching the sunset and I walked to the window in the kitchen to catch one last glimpse of the scenery. I was looking at the horizon when this large white bird suddenly soared into my view. It was quite big, but it never flapped it’s wings. It came in, swooped to the left and disappeared behind the tree line of the neighbor’s property. I didn’t think much about it at the time, plus I didn’t have my glasses on so I didn’t know what I saw. But, I bet that was your plane!”

Me: “No way…..”

Dad: “Let’s drive down the road and take a look.”

We drove down the lane towards the neighbor’s driveway and got out. I didn’t have my hopes up because I thought my dad was either seeing things or just pulling my leg for a funny gag. He was ahead of me walking up the driveway when he stopped and said, “There it is right there.”

“Waaaa???” Was my only response. I looked up and saw my plane parked perfectly alongside the driveway, right next to a post. The morning dew glistened off her wide wing and I admittedly ran like a little kid up the driveway to the plane. I picked her up, examined the whole body and was amazed to find everything intact. Not one ding, scratch or dent. What an incredible surprise. We hopped in the car and happily drove back to grandma’s house.

My father and I had a good laugh over breakfast as we told the rest of the family. The chocolate chip scones and cheesy omlettes never tasted so good.

The night I lost the plane H.E.S. thought it was so funny because I had apparently been fairly cocky about my flying skills. I suppose a little humility is a good thing to keep one grounded but as it turns out, I have no need for any of that humility business. I can land my plane a half mile away with no visual….yes friends I am that good.

Need flying lessons? Inquire within.  

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Bringing out the kid in me


You may find this hard to believe but I like to have fun. Not the kind of fun that involves sweaty presidents, hookers and blow, but more along the lines of good ol’ fashioned wholesome fun.  Sure I’ve always liked to laugh when people fall on the escalator or when a kid bangs his head on the playground turtle shell, but as it turns out that kid inside of me has never quite grown up. I still get a kick out of playing with toys. Not necessarily HE-Man and TMNT Action Figures but more along the lines of little cars that go fast and aeroplanes that go NEEEEAAARRRR…. (y’know, the sound a plane makes).

A couple of years ago I bought my first plane. Dave and I decided on the same model as it was good for beginners, plus it had the ability to install the ‘Sonic Combat Module’ which is a small device that emits sound waves that ‘shoot’ down your friend’s plane. The thought of dave’s plane tumbling out of the sky at my hands made me giddy with glee. Unfortunately I never got the chance to shoot Dave down since he crashed plenty on his own. It’s not entirely his fault as our planes were cheap and good entry level ones, but when flying it felt more like trying to steer the titanic than fly an airplane. By the end of the summer my plane was mostly destroyed, not so much by crashes but by a heavy banjo case with a vendetta.

I always wanted to get back into the hobby , but working in Real Estate tends to suck up every nice weekend and I just felt like I had no time. Every time the warm, sunny season came around I’d always feel the urge to go buy a plane and try to fly it, but never did. A couple of weeks ago I was talking with HES and she said she’s always wanted to try and fly an R/C plane, I couldn’t believe my ear! Turns out that was the spark I needed to restart my flying desire. I did my research, found the best deal and the best beginner plane and within a week was the proud new owner of a Hobbyzone Super Cub.

After waiting a couple of days for the weather to clear up I couldn’t wait to get my new bird in the air. Unfortunately I quickly learned that just because the sky is clear doesn’t mean you should fly. It was way too windy for my maiden voyage and my plane was all over the place. Add on inexperience, first flight nerves and Dave yelling in my ear “it’s flying it’s flying!!!” it made for one hell of a ride. I had a couple of hard landings, but didn’t break anything, only bent the landing gear. I went out the next day and again it was really too windy to be flying. My plane was all over the place and I was getting flustered when suddenly the weather gods smiled upon me and there was a stretch of peaceful calmness. Even with the serene air my plane was still all over the place! It was then I realized that the problem wasn’t so much the wind, but the problem was me, I was over controlling the plane, sending it into dives, stalls and horrible situations. Once the weather chilled out so did I and almost instantly I got the hang of it!

Once I was in the zone, understood the limits of my plane and that I could take off and land with the greatest of ease all I wanted to do was fly. And fly I did. A couple Saturdays ago I met up with Dave at the local High School to do some flying. He still had his barely air worthy frankenplane from years past and he thought it would be fun to try and fly. I launched my plane in the air and it circled high above our heads. As I was flying, two other R/C’ers showed up and craned their necks skyward. Things were going along beautifully until I quickly realized something was wrong when HES said “you’re dying”. My plane was losing altitude and I could see that the prop had stopped spinning. The battery had died and I was concentrating so hard on gliding it into a soft landing that I completely failed to see the huge football upright my plane was headed towards. I snapped to my senses just as my wing smashed into the tall metal pole. The plane tumbled down and all I heard was “OUCH!” “WHOOOPS” and “….ohhh Micah…..” from the gathered crowd. The crash took a chunk out of my wing but other than that nothing was broken! Fortunately one of the other flyers had some awesome super glue that he let me use. Jake showed up right after I crashed and was sad because that’s the only thing he came to see. Luckily he didn’t have to wait long as Dave stepped up to fly his plane. Like a seasoned pro Dave picked up his plane, did his pre-flight check and proceeded to hand launch his plane into the football upright directly in front of him. His bird came tumbling down in a bright orange flash and smashed into pieces on the ground. Once again the gasps came from the crowd but on the corner of my eye I could see Jake was elated.

Dave did a doozy on his plane and was done for the day. I was holding the pieces of my wing together waiting for the glue to set when another RC’er came to join us, we’ll call him Ted. Turns out Ted hadn’t flown in a year and the last time he did he completely destroyed his plane and had just finished getting it all back together. After much talk Ted finally decided to take it up in the air. He took off and flew fairly well but was a total nervous Nathan as he flew. It didn’t take long before he brought the plane in explaining that it was ‘too windy’ (it wasn’t). Ted talked a bunch more until I was finally ready to take to the skies again. I was nervous to see if my plane would fly again and thankfully she took right off, piercing the air above. Everything worked great and I ran the battery down, but not enough to crash again. Ted was amazed at how quickly my plane could take off and wanted to see if his could do the same. Jake ‘encouraged’ him to try it and sure enough he took off almost straight up until he got too nervous to fly and quickly brought the plane down.

We were done flying but Ted kept talking to me and showing me his fancy-shmancy controller. His plane was resting peacefully by our feet like a dog in front of a fire. Ted was explaining how the controller has a ‘safety mode’ so if anything goes wrong you simply ‘flip a switch’ and it will put the plane in a nice gentle turn. Ted turned to me and said “like this!”. With firm confidence he flipped the switch and immediately the plane came to life with full throttle barreling down the track. His face turned white as his plane continued speeding away from him. We were standing on the edge of a track and field, and as you probably know track and fields are fairly open with no obstacles around, except for the tool shed… which his plane was headed directly for. It happened so fast our eyes saw it in slow motion, the plane, the shed, his pale face, Jake’s face spreading into a huge grin……and then with about a foot until impact the plane stopped and nosed over in the grass. There was a collective sigh and nervous laughter after the almost incident. I think Jake was a little disappointed that he didn’t get to see another crash, but honestly it was one of the funniest things I’ve seen in awhile.

Even though Ted left with his plane in one piece I think he should hang it up for a while longer or find a new hobby. One thing I’ve quickly learned about flying silly little planes is that you can’t have nervous, twitchy thumbs. I think the majority of people I’ve met are fairly cool but there have been a few that were so nervous about flying they didn’t even look like they were having fun! If you’re not having fun, what’s the point?!

Although I still think that everyone should try it. It’s so freakin’ fun and exciting. It’s like being a kid all over again, except I didn’t get to do any of this as a kid! Nothing gets people talking to you like flying planes. Every time I go out people come up to me and want to look, touch and talk about the plane, especially kids and women. Kids because they’re curious and women because….well let’s face it, I make a damn fine pilot. I’ve had my plane for 2 weeks and have flown about 32 times which I admit is a little crazy! That’s about triple the amount of fly time as my first plane and there are no signs of slowing up, especially as the weather gets nicer and nicer you will find me out at the local school splitting the goalposts, divebombing the kids and circling the skies.  I just hope Dave gets an air worthy plane soon so I can have good stories, either that or maybe I’ll go look for Ted.


 

 

End note, Happy Birthday Jake! Sorry you can’t see me fly and possibly crash as I know that’s the thing that would make your b-day bright.

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Don’t overreact

I saw this on PostSecret this morning and it just made me laugh. But it also rings true to me. Even in the midst of crappy things life is generally good, it really is what you make it. That’s not the easiest thing to write on a Monday morning before I head into work to run payroll reports and do budget spreadsheets. But is it really that bad? No, not really, it’s pretty good really. Keep your chin up, yell at a horse if you have to.

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Doing it all for the ladies

Last Saturday I spent most of the day surrounded by 30 sweaty, screaming women. Now I’m sure you’re thinking “Well, that’s just a typical day for Micah…” and if it was a Tuesday you would be correct, but most Saturdays are much more mellow for me. I wasn’t at a Radiohead or John Mayer concert nor was I at the beach with these lovely loud ladies. Instead I was at the Krav Maga school where I can be found nearly every damn day. I’d like to think that the 30 women were there for me, but in reality they were there to kick some ass, and kick ass they did!
Last weekend the KM School put on a Rape Prevention Seminar as part of the Sexual assault Awareness Month that is happening right now. I was asked to take part and be a coach for the event. This meant I got to be the instructor’s demonstration dummy and get kneed, punched, elbowed and thrown. It was a lot of fun. The highlight of the day for us coaches and the women was forming two circles around padded attackers. These attackers grab and try to choke the women and the goal of the women is to defend themselves, not allowing the attacker to get them. The attackers are decently big guys and the odds appear to be in their favor but make no mistake, girls can kick just as much ass as anyone else. I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many groin kicks in one day. And even though the attackers were well padded they still emerged battered, bloodied and bruised. It was an awesome day and I believe that most, if not all of the women left with a new sense of confidence and accomplishment.

So if you’re not a fan of raping, you should listen up. In about a week and a half on Saturday April 18th the KM school is going to put on another Rape Prevention Seminar. If you like kicking ass or want to better understand how to defend yourself, you should sign up. It’s guaranteed to be a good time and lots of fun. I personally won’t be suiting up in a big bad man padded suit so if you want to kick *my* ass, it’s going to have to wait. But I do promise to yell and scream at you with encouragement with all the rest of the people in the class.

More info Here!

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So apparently, saying ‘douche’ while striking an opponent is unacceptable.


It’s not that I’m thinking about feminine products when I’m sparring it’s just the yell that happens to come out of my mouth.  I suppose in a real live fight or attack, ‘douche’ would be appropriate because if a guy is trying to punch you or steal your wallet he is probably a douchebag and should be called as such. In the confines of class, after exhaustion and delirium have set in, my ‘kia’ (karate yell, not the car) often turns into something you would read in a Batman Comic rather than something you’d hear in a dojo.

All of this was brought to my attention last night during the grueling 4-hour workout I like to call “A Normal Tuesday Night”. 3.5 hours into the night my legs are noodles, my clothes are soaked through and my muscles throb. There is a video camera pointed at me as I fight through the exhaustion to demonstrate and teach various Krav techniques without showing any signs of fatigue.

“Choke from the front, no push” I say into the camera. My opponent comes at me and squeezes my tender neck in his sweaty meat hooks. With the air being cut off to my brain I explode with a pluck and a simultaneous kick to the groin doubling him over. As my elbows, knees and punches freely flow to his face, liver and head so do my ‘kreative kias’ flow from my mouth.

“YA! BOOM! POW!
Douche!
Doosh!
Deuce…..”

I turn back to the camera and explain the different teaching points as if I were instructing a whole class. At the conclusion of my explanation the instructor turns off the camera and says,

“Wow, that was really good energy, good teaching points but your Kias are…………weird

Puzzled, I glanced over at the other trainees who were all trying to hide their smiles and smirks.

“Whaaa??” Was my intelligent response.

“You sound like you’re inside a Marvel Comic. If you can just use normal loud yells that would be better.”

“oh….I see” I said, not realizing I sounded so weird.

One of the other trainings spoke up and said “Does this mean he’s not going to do them anymore? Because I smile every time he does.”

The teacher remained firm so I guess the douche stops here.

Any suggestions as to what I should yell when I’m bashing someone’s face in?

 

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