Archive for September, 2005

Soft Rock Blues

For some reason during the commotion of today, our office radio got turned down. When our boss realized that she was no longer hearing the dismal sounds of yesterday and today, she promptly turned the radio up. To me and my co-worker K’s horror we had just crash landed into a execrable rendition of “when a man loves a woman” by the not so breathtaking Michael Bolton. yay. Not to be out done, I immediately jumped up from my chair and began lip syncing and convulsing with powerful hip and torso singing movements to show I too could be on the same level as big bad MB. To my surprise no one noticed! So I continued with wild dipping and bending over at the waist, along with massive arm movements that corresponded to where my pitch currently was, y’know how all the good singers like Britney Spears and Christina Agulaiririaiar do it! When I’m singing high, my hand goes up, when I’m singing low like a bass man, my hand waves to the floor, and sometimes if I’m real monotone like I am right now even though you are only reading these words, just imagine that I’m being monotone, sometimes if I’m like that my hand just stays right in the middle of my body. (end monotone) Fortunately, K caught my spastic Bolton moves on the corner of her eye and swung around in her chair to watch. She laughed and I laughed, but Miss Boss never caught on as to why. The song soon ended, but never soon enough and K turned to me and said “Thank you Micah Bolton”.
You are welcome indeed. Anything for my fans.

I had a dream about J at my work last night. NO! Not that type of dream (I don’t think). She was walking towards me and as I got closer she smiled, but it looked like a couple of her teeth were knocked out! In waking life she has really big, pefectly straight teeth. So it was not hard to miss the missing teeth. When I stood next to her in the dream I noticed that her teeth weren’t actually knocked out, but they had black caps over some of them. I wanted to ask her why the crazy covering up her teeth bit, but I could tell in the dream that this was not a question to ask, that I had just better leave it alone. And so I did, she carried on like nothing was wrong and so did I.

Must I knock her teeth out now?

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Phone Connection

Are we still doing that? What with the clicking of the receiver when the phone goes dead, and the excessive “hello? hello?”. No, of course not, but why is it that’s what they do in the Movies and on TV? Even on new shows. When is the last time that repeatedly clicking the receiver on the telephone magically connected you back with the person you were talking with even though they hung up? Or do tell me what is the point of saying “hello” over and over again when all you can hear is the dial tone? Does that work? Should I try it? Anyone know? I’ll only try it if it works.

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Face Burnout

Yesterday Phil came over before I was able to primp or (NEW WORD ALERT! –That Karin taught me) preen myself. I was giving ‘ol Grizzly Adams a serious run for his money. The whiskers were itching and bugging my delicate man face so much, that I decided I would have to shave. So there was me in the bathroom getting all lathered up and Phil and Karin standing in the doorway intently watching me. I don’t have a fancy electric razor like rich Phil does to “trim the hedges” before I get in there with the almighty Schick QUATTRO and it’s 4 bladed cutting power, so things are a little rough at the start. I begin vigorously shaving the sides of my face while my razor fills up with hair after each half centimeter of face real estate I cover. Annoying. About half way through I notice Phil and Karin are quiet, seemingly entertained at the spectacle.

ME: Are you guys having fun?
PHIL: It’s like watching NASCAR, I’m just hoping for a crash!

Which brought up the topic of razor mishaps. Phil said he cut the inside of his lip while shaving once, although I’m not sure why he was shaving up in there! I’m sure every guy has razor face cut story, some of the scars to prove it! I’ll have to look at my chin, but for the longest time I think I had a scar where I successfully took out a chunk o’ chin with my blade. The worst feeling is when you’re in a rush trying to go somewhere and in your haste you accidentally go sideways with your razor blade. That’s a feeling that makes my teeth hurt just thinking about it! I managed to do that once, right before I was going to meet a girl’s parents, I sat in the bathroom forever, just trying to get the bleeding to stop.

All the shaving thoughts reminded me of when I first started to shave. It was back in 5th grade early junior high school and I remember I used to always do it on Sundays sometime after church. My father never taught me how to shave (shame shame!) so I just did what I thought was right. The funny thing was, I had this misconception that if you didn’t use shaving cream then the hair wouldn’t grow back as fast. I didn’t want the hair to grow back as fast b/c I was the only one in school that was getting facial hair and I already had a nice mossy growth of armpit hair that caused everyone to snicker, the last thing I needed was more embarrassment! (Oh the things we used to get insecure about, things like hair) So there was me on Sunday afternoons scraping and ripping the hair out of my young, soft face using a dull disposable razor with no shaving cream and very little water, cringing in pain with every stroke. Oh the memories!

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Good Line

Since Karin has been working at the gym she’s gotten more pickup lines in a month than ever in her whole life! Most aren’t so much pickup lines as the usual “wanna go have coffee, lunch, sex?” Things of that nature. But one guy was really good and mainly just smooth. He came in and was so impressed with Karin that he said the company he works for was looking for a front desk person and thought she’d be perfect for the job. So with a smile he handed her his card and said, “If you’re interested give me a call, and if you’re not interested…give me a call.” Awesome. She said he wasn’t creepy about it at all, he came off perfectly. I’m sorry big K, but I’m going to use this one day, it’s just too smooth to fall to the wayside.

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Spice

I don’t know how it happened, but the other night at the end of ‘cuddle time’ Karin and I suddenly
broke into song. Not just any song a Spice Girls song. Pleh. Surprisingly Karin knew the words to
“If you wanna be my lover” a little to well. And for that reason coupled with the fact that she’s
German we decided she’d best resemble Scary Spice. Because of my bulging muscles I’d easily be known as
Sporty Spice or possibly Baby Spice b/c of my super sexy baby face. The next night she decided that we should sing
another song by an awesome group, Ace of Base. The problem with AoB is that well……….I actually sorta maybe like
them. I always have and I don’t know why. Here I am admitting it in front of the world, but before you condemn
me to hang upside down by my toenails and force me to listen to Michael Bolton singing System of a Down songs, I think you should know that at one time I believe
Billy
said that a little Ace of Base never hurts, and quite frankly I agree. (Sorry if this isn’t true Billy……but I think it is)

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Fast car go. FAST!

Tony came over yesterday. It was the first time in a long time since I’ve seen him. I guess
he finally excepted me for my extreme whiteyness, that’s good b/c I was missing his bass thumpin’
gansta rappin’ ways. We hung out for a bit, talked about PHP (he’s obsessed) and nothing else.
On the way out I noticed that he had a new addition to his car. As it turns out, his car is
so fast his kick ass rims and bitchin’ exhaust coudldn’t contain the axle bending torque
produced by his Honda’s imported mill, so he had to install a wing (see pic). This is understandable
since things can get a bit hairy going around those corners en route to the Fred Meyer warehouse. Every
fast car needs something that will help the tires hug the asphalt. The only problem with Tony’s wing
is that he got it used :(. Sad, since everyone knows that a used wing is just not going to perform as well
as a new, sharp wing. The aerodynamicness leaves something to be desired when the wing has been transferred
from one car to the next. Especially when the previous car was a different model, say an Acura or Mazda; that’s
something you have to watch out for when you go wing shopping. Tony didn’t say where the wing came from, just
that it came from somewhere. Tony’s car is really pretty fast now with the rims, exhaust, wing, jet black color, and a bangin’
stereo, but I’m afraid his car will never be fast enough to star in Fast and Furious 3 (OMG!!! I was totally kidding, but wow it’s true…..they don’t know when to stop)—- unless he is willing
to go the next step with his car……stickers!! Everyone knows stickers make any car go faster!
Where’s the stickers Tony? How can any self-respecting Honda owner have a wing and no stickers? Your car will never make it
in the top ten without an HPD sticker or something that say “badass”. Think about it, I just ordered some stickers
for my Buick, one of them says “BUICK”, profound I know! Another says “Grandma’s Jalopy”, good stuff. Get stickers.


Tony sits like a girl when he’s not at home.


Karin made this card for her friend Amy’s b-day I thought it was funny.

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Study?

I hope this isn’t a sign of things to come. In less than a month Karin is going to start college, taking a full load and still working alot. The other night she told me she was going to go out and do some reading. “cool” was my reply but 10 minutes later when I ventured out to the kitchen to find some tasty treats for my belly I found this:



Nice. She’s a trooper.

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Sometimes.

Sometimes I feel like this.

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New One

My nearly two-year old niece made an announcement the other day, she’s going to have a new little brother or sister!! Yay!! My sister can pop them out like popcorn, sheesh! Meg’n (my sister) just got done losing 20-249lbs (I don’t remember how much) and now she’s going to get all plump again! Sucky suck! Me so glad guys don’t get pregnant. :)

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Scat

Talking with Eric about music at a wedding a couple months ago.

E:……yeah so she’s really cool, she was one of the first people to scat.

ME: Scat? You mean like poop?

E:uh……no? What do you mean?

ME: That’s what scat is….poop from an animal.

E: No way! That’s awesome, I’ve never heard that before.

ME: What did you mean by scat?

E: Y’know when a singer goes beebee do bop dop a doo wop with the music, I’ve always heard that called scatting.

ME: Oh! Yeah, I see, I’ver never heard it called that. I thought it was just called beebee doo wop bopping.

E: I could be wrong, but that’s what I thought it was called.

ME: You’re probably right, I just thought you meant poop.

*sigh* what a great meeting of the minds, we were both correct. From dictionary.com:

“Jazz singing in which improvised, meaningless syllables are sung to a melody.”

“Excrement, especially of an animal; dung.”

Speaking of scat, don’t you think by now in our day and age that “they” the proverbial “they” would have invented something
that would prevent poop splash back? Y’know when you “go” and the dookie torpedo plops in the toilet like a cannonball in molasses and the cold toilet water splashes up your butt and on your cheeks causing you to jerk and curse in surprise at the unwelcome bidet treatment. I freakin’ hate that.

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