Archive for December, 2005

Summin’ It Up

Here we are at year’s end. I thought I should do a little summary for all three of you. It was a good year overall. My niece continued to grow, my sister got pregnant again. I still have a job and a few friends. Overall I usually see the positive side of things so that’s why I’m going to start with the negatives.

Sad Things This Year:

My Grandmother died. The enourmous loss of life this year, with the Tsunami, earthquakes, hurricanes, war. This really saddened me alot, for many reasons. It’s sad to see people suffering, and to have whole families wiped out, but I’m also sad b/c much of it still feels so distant. I think I should be more affected than I am or was. Here I sit in a warm house worrying about my bills or if so-and-so is happy or sad w/me and across the world hundreds of thousands people die in the tsunami. I have to say that I’m also perturbed about the hurricanes in the U.S. Yes they were bad, and yes people died and it was handled so poorly, but I hate how people try to compare it to the same level as the other disasters!! The “official” death toll is around 2,000 (I’ve been researching this and there seems to be some debate as to the actual numbers) but the Pakistan quake killed 80,000 people and left over 3 million homeless! These numbers are mind blowing! That’s 4 times as many people that live in Milwaukie. What also makes me sad this year is that our presidant is a douche bag, and seems to care for nothing more than money, power and control. I’m also sad that Arrested Development is getting cancelled. I don’t have an Xbox 360 in my hands yet :) :(

Happy Things This Year:

I got a new car! Now I don’t have to watch the weather and feel scared when I go to work. All my friend are healthy, I got to know some better this year. I’m happy that Nick was able to go to Berklee School of Music. I’m happy that I’m alive after driving 115 mph in Phil’s WRX, passing semi’s around corners on the way to Prosser. I’m happy with all the good times I seem to have, there’s just too many to list.

A few prominent things:

If you own an Xbox and have Xbox Live, there should be no question that you have and play Halo2 online. For me it quite simply is the best game that I keep coming back to. I don’t know what it is about that game that is so dang addicting, well I guess I have a clue. I think the graphics are great, the controls feel just right, there’s a huge variety of online play, and the ranking system makes you try much harder than you normally would. I really enjoy playing against other human players, and trash talking or forming awesome teams that cream everyone. Dave and I played last night for hours, and it never got old to me.

I’d say my favorite album of the year would have to be Coheed and Cambria’s Good Apollo, I’m Burning Star IV. I loved their second album that came out last year, so I never expected this one to top that! But I think it has by a long shot. The way the songs all fit together, and nearly every song is so very catchy. It’s addicting to listen to, I always find myself singing along as loud and fierce as I can. I just wish everyone would stop classifying them as EMO, they’re pretty much rock/progressive rock. Really solid stuff.

A close second to Coheed and Cambria would definately have to be System of a Down’s Mesmerize and Hypnotize. I used to think they were psycho and I’d not even give them a listen, but I’ve since changed my ways and I enjoy their politically charged songs. I think they have alot to say, and even though their music is hard-driving, heavy angry sounding, according to their bio’s and website, they are against violence and seem to genuinely want mankind to better themselves. If you’re only going to get one, I’d say stick with Mesmerize, I like it better than Hypnotize.

The surprise album of the year was by a little known 60’s group called Zephyr. They’re real cool with some great guitar playing and good ol’ bluesy rock and roll.

I hope you all have a great new year and don’t get too poo-faced, and remember to think of all the firsts you’ll be experiencing tomorrow, just don’t let it get out of control. As a kid I think I had slight OCD when it came to the New Year turning over. Right before midnight I’d say, “Here’s my last breath of ‘86″, then when the clocked switched I’d say, “Here’s my first breath of ‘87″. It’s fine to stop there, but I’d continue this for nearly a week, “here’s my first poo” - “here’s my first nap” - “here’s the first time I’m drinking water” - “here’s the 1st time this year I’m petting the cat” and on and on and on, with every little thing you can think of, it was crazy. I think I’m done with that now……for this year.


Mitch Hedburg

One of my favorite discoveries of this year was brought about from TJ’s suggestion. One night at Best Buy he convinced Karin to buy an album by a comdedian named Mitch Hedburg. That night I wasn’t in the mood at all to listen to stand up, but I’m sooo very glad I did. Since then I have laughed my ass clean off a number of times! Oh it’s off, come over and take a look. Mitch has such a weird and different style, in fact at times it’s very choppy. He seems very shy on stage, and he talks as if he just learned the english language a week ago, most of his jokes are one-liners, but sometimes he follows a theme. Either way I really enjoy his stuff and think everyone should check it out. Here’s a link to his cd. The crazy thing is for $13 you get an audio CD and a DVD filled with stuff. The DVD has different jokes and routines on it. After I got this album I was all ramped up and started to look for more of his stuff, so you can imagine my extreme disappointment when I learned that he’s dead! :( :( He died last year of heart failure in his hotel room! It sucks b/c he was really an up and coming comedian. He has another album that I haven’t heard, but according to TJ the DVD has most of the same jokes.

I uploaded a few minutes of his routine for your enjoyment. Please check it out.
Disclaimer: There are a few choice words, but nothing too bad.

You can listen to it here, by clicking the words that you are reading right now, yes now. Now!


I want Chuck Norris For Christmas

Here are the reasons why:

Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying “booya”.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

According to Einstein’s theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Wilt Chamberlin claims to of slept with over 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this “a slow Tuesday.”

Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.


Car Cry

It makes me sad when I see people crying in their car. I wish I could hug ‘em.


Just For Phil

This post

is specifically for Phil,
since he does not like it when

I do not make good use of the para-
graph tag. Phil has beady eyes and too

much text overwhelms him, and also my friend Hitoronishi Sun-Kim
his eyes are thin.


Books This year

This year I read more books than I ever have in the same time period. Pretty much the only reason why is b/c I now have a steady job with 1hr worth of breaks a day. There’s only so much newspaper you can read, and I usually don’t feel like making small talk with strange co-workers so my only other option besides sleep was to read. As you can see from the list, I generally read books that challenge my thought/believes about life, religion, philosophy…etc. These are in no particular order, most had at least some value that could be weened from them, and some were stellar standouts.

1. Power vs Force
2. Feelings buried alive never die
3. The Tipping Point
4. Atlas Shrugged—–Freaking awesome book great great writing.
5. 1984—-this book made me feel like the walls were closing in on me, it was good but when I read it I couldn’t breathe.
6. The Truth of Reformation
7. Lost Christianites
8. The Biography of Satan
9. You Take Jesus I’ll Take God
10. Vital Signs of Christ’s Return
11. What the Rabbis Know about The Messiah
12. The Magic of Believing
13. The Trinity
14. Getting Thru To Your Emotions w/EFT
15. The Abs Diet
16. The No-Grain Diet
17. The God Code
18. The Isaiah Effect
19. The Davinci Code
20. The Babylonian Connection
21. The Mythemaker

22. Bringing Down the house—–About a bunch of MIT students that took Vegas for Millions - really awesome.
24. Don’t Kiss Them Goodbye
25. The Power of Intention
26. Blink
27. The Afterlife Experiements
28. As a Man Thinketh
29. God Without Religion
30. Connecting to God
31. Getting in the Gap

And I’m still going strong, reading now onto some more mind blowing stuff.


Test Drive

Dave and I are in the market for a new car so he called me up last week and wondered if I would go on a test drive with him. He’s interested in buying a WRX, so I said sure. Little did I know the crazy hairs that were up Dave’s ass this evening. The test drive started long before we got to the dealership. Dave’s car is in the shop and so he’s driving around a rental, a late 90’s Chevy Blazer. That poor blazer never saw it coming. When shifting from park to drive, impatient Dave felt it was unimportant to wait for the transmission to fully engage before romping on the gas pedal. This resulted in a loud grinding sound and unignorable “clunk” while the blazer violently fell into gear. Dave also thought the spongy suspension was fun and giggled while swerving left and right as we drove down Railroad Ave. Fortunately we made it to the Subaru dealership. Dave was interested in the new WRX 5-speed. So the salesman took it out to a nearby parking lot and let Dave get in. If you don’t know anything about WRX’s, let me educate you. They’re awesome cars. Fast, safe, stick to the asphalt like a flattened skunk in the Arizona desert. The ‘06 has a new 2.5 Liter engine which pumps out a few more horsies, and an electronic acceleration system which nearly eliminates all turbo lag, making for a very fast combo.

I was excited to be along for the drive, Dave was just as excited when he got in the driver’s seat, since the first thing he did was kill the car. VROOOOM……blblbblalbkbal. Just like that, beautiful. Dave got the car started and we were off to a jerky start. On the highway it was slightly smoother sailing as Dave got more aquainted with the clutch/shifting thing. We started on a long stretch of road when the salesman told Dave to back off from the car in front of him. There was literally a 90 degree left hand turn ahead and the salesdude told dave to drop it down a gear and whip through it. It was scary as Dave started to speed up as we neared the turn, but MAN we shot through that corner with the car barely budging an inch, it felt like we were in a slot car! Truly awesome. Unbeknownst to me, the best part was yet to come. We started to descend down a hill and the guy told DL to keep the car in third and “let ‘er rip” or something like that. It was crazy. We were going down a steep hill on a windy road in the dark, and Dave kept accelerating! Left and right I was being thrown back and forth in the back of the car. I was having a pretty good time until Dave went around one sharp corner and it felt like the back broke loose just a little, at that moment my fun turned to terror. Dave was relentless and the car performed like a champ, until the super-sharp-right-hand-turn. Dave was flying down another steep hill when at the bottom there was a very sharp 120 or more degree turn…super confident Dave grabbed the steering wheel and cranked it was we squealed through the turn. Yes he made a super tight AWD WRX lose enough traction to let out a squeal. As we barreled up the hill after the squealy turn, the salesman (who was white knuckling the Oh Sh*t handle) calmy turned to Dave and said, “A little less throttle.” Classic. But Dave hardly took notice of his request and continued launching the car up the hill through narrow lanes and soft shoulders. By the end my adrenaline was seriously pumping and I know Dave’s was, I’m not sure, but I think the salesman soiled himself. The car sold itself, but Dave did not buy from the soiled salesman.

When Dave buys the car I highly suggest you ask him to take you for a test drive…I mean in the car, not on him, although I’m sure that’d be just as terrifying.


No Water

I don’t know if it was the cold weather or shoddy workmanship, but the warehouse next door to us had a main water pipe break yesterday. Talk about inconvience! We had no running water! I heard they had 5 inches of standing water in their warehouse and offices….LUCKY! We didn’t get the benefits of puddles, just not toilet usage. To accomodate, the property manager had a port-o-potty delivered to our parking lot, it’s too bad it wasn’t a honey bucket, I heard those are the shit! Pun totally intended!
Anyways you should see what no running water and the prospect of using a porta pooper does to the nice ladies in the office. I haven’t heard that much bitching since the elections. Although I have to admit the idea of sitting my fanny down on a cold dirty seat in the middle of a parking lot, while wearing a dress (if i was a chick) doesn’t strike me as fun. And what is the deal with looking down the into the nasty blue bottom?! Everytime I walk in one of those I do my damndest to not look, but some weird-ass morbid curiousity always makes me sneak a peek, and then I feel all gross and icky, and subconciously my feet start to slip and I think that for a moment I’m going to lose my footing and fall in face first. I hate that. Don’t you? Also I think those things are delivered with poop and toilet paper already in them to make you feel at home. I’ve gone in one soon after being delivered, and it already looked quite used, curious indeed.


No Brakes!

Before this week the weather in PDX had been quite accomodating for motorcycle riders. But last weekend as the rain started to roll in I decided to take the ol’ Buick out for a spin to Fred Meyer. The not so funny thing was as I got to the end of the street my brake pedal went all the way to the floor and felt like it wasn’t going to stop the car. At first I thought it was my imagination since my brake pedal usually goes down really far before you get that resistance feeling. This may seem crazy, but it has effectively made my car undrivable by the average person. My gas pedal has a really tight spring, making it very difficult to push down without executing 85-90% of your quadracept muscle. Annoying yes, but a great way to “blast your quad” while driving down the road. On the flip side the brake pedal has little or no resistance causing it to go down with the slightest pressure. Two different friends of mine have successfully bashed my head into the dashboard while trying to park my car since their foot forgets the difference between the two pedals.

Nevertheless, I was unsure if it was my imagination playing tricks on me, so I barreled down the road to really see if the brakes worked or not. When I hit the brakes it reminded me of an old cartoon where the character has a wooden block he presses against the spinning wheel to slow the car down. This felt like that, but with a jellyfish instead of a wooden block, in a word…..mushy. The ride home was interesting since I basically accelerated and coasted using as little brake as possible. Now that’s a challenge I suggest you try sometime when you’re coming home at 2am from tom-catting around (what’s the female version of tom-catting? Prowling? Pus–nevermind).

I took my car down to Wrench’s right by my house. I listed all the things that were wrong with it, but especially pulled his attention to the brakes. I was assuming it’d be at least $300 b/c that’s the price he quoted months ago to do a full brake job. $300 would’ve been a dream. Instead he called me last night and said they have to replace the rotors, drums, brake cylinders…etc..etc, basically a whole lotta sh*t, and it was going to cost $830!! most of that being the price of the parts!! I was really bummed last night and so I got to thinking that something had to change. I’ve been meaning to sell my cycle in order to buy a cheap car, but it needs work and I sure won’t be able to sell it for a good price in the winter. I started looking at loans through my credit union and they have pretty good rates and honestly its way more affordable than I thought, even with my peanut wage. That $830 could easily have been 4 months of car payments! So now I’m on the lookout for a new-to-me-used-car. I will keep you posted on my findings. Oh, and the good news is, my car was finished tonight and it only cost me $801! Whewwwweee! That $29 was going to break me, but now I can eat like a king! Steaks are on me!



Cindy says, “brrr…it’s so freaking cold out there! I’d hate to be a bum this time of year!”

Me, “Just this time of year? But you wouldn’t mind the other times? I’m sure it’s a hoot!”