Archive for June, 2006

Wow. Fast.

I took Karate back in the day, and I remember my Sensei saying that I had pretty fast hands, but nothing like this. Damn.

Click here to see what the heck I’m talking about!

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This might offend some, but I got a chuckle out of it and I know my friends with off color humor will too.

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I should post

A lot going on but not much to report. At work we’re looking to hire a new person so we’ve been going through resumes and cover letters, and while there are some pretty schnazzy people out there, man…..some people sure are dumb. One guy had a great resume and his cover letter was creative and funny but he had absolutely no grammar and punctuation skills! So unfortunately for him he did not get a call back. Other people sent an email with a resume attached but no actual words or cover letter in the body of the email! One girl used this technique but forgot to attach her resume! So we basically got a completely empty email from her….silly. Also I have a piece of advice for people applying for a job. When you apply it’s best not to complain about the wage of the job in the cover letter, seriously are you that stupid? We had fun ripping up that girl’s resume :).

Other than that when my co-worker is bored at work she likes to look up random words in google’s image search engine. Things like happy, silly, summer….so then she gets 1.54 million hits of kids smiling or the sun shining and I guess it makes her feel good while cooped up in a stuffy office. I told her to look up ’stabby’ and we got this:

I like it, I think I might get one. It’s a t-shirt that you can get here.

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Get out

Phil needs to find his stride and get out of here!
That’s from Deadwood which Phil and I are watching, and in good time too. Before the show amazingly Phil Lasso’d my phone with a Billy Band! It was truly terrific.

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Never Piss Off Your Landlord

This is just one of the 37 lashing I received today. All this over an empty paper towel rack.

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Summer day!

Happy first day of summer and the longest day! I celebrated by playing lotsa banjo and guitar outside, and I even
took a walk! It’s sad that after today the days get shorter…sucks. But not to worry, because I had strawberries! The best
food in the world, compliments of my sis.

….Best strawberries ever.

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Y’know the more I watch the NBA Finals the more I seriously begin to think that they are rigged.

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Father’s Day

Y’know it’s funny how things change as you get older. How something you used to hate or despise becomes special and sentimental as you age. For me, that thing is Dan Fogelberg’s “Leader of the band”. As a kid that song always seemed to be playing in the background of our home. So much so, that I remember it started to really bug me. Then years later it happened. I was working in Fred Meyer doing inventory when that song crackled across the loud speaker. I hadn’t heard it in years and right there in the soup aisle I just about lost it. A flood of emotion came rushing forth and I had to take a minute to compose myself. It was then that I realized that I didn’t hate that song at all, no, in fact I loved it. I loved it for everything it said and for everything it stood for. It reminded me of all the good that was in my childhood. Of playing with my hot wheels, sleeping in the sun on the floor, racing my bike up and down the dusty driveway, our completely silver Pioneer stereo system, the RCA Dog on the record labels and perhaps the most fittingly, my Dad. This makes the most sense to me because no matter what, he will always be the leader in my band. And for that, I am forever blessed.

Thanks Dad.

Love me.

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Cat Scratch Noises….da..da..duh

I think the main problem with working in a small office environment is that everyone, sooner or later gets on your nerves. Not because everyone is annoying but after awhile you start to hear the same stories, jokes and sound effects over and over again. It probably doesn’t seem like a big deal when I write about it here, but in a confined space with several people the smallest annoyances quickly grow into big annoyances. My co-workers will tell you a story even though they know you already heard it.

CW: Did I ever tell you about the time my cat fell down the stairs.
ME: Yes
CW: So anyways there was this one time my cat was chasing a bug….
(7 minutes later, still talking)
CW: …and that’s why he won’t go downstairs anymore. ha.ha.ha. too funny right?
ME: (In the driest tone possible) That’s hillarious.
CW: I know! I mean, have you ever heard such a thing?
ME: Yes actually, you’ve told me that story before.

Even though I try to humor the coworker I make sure to tell them that they’ve already told me that story, but it doesn’t seem to phase them, they just keep on trucking with their story. How can people not remember? I usually get a feeling of Deja Vu if I’m telling a story to the same people for the 47th time….doesn’t anyone else? Another thing that I cannot stand is the sound effects that come along with the cat stories. They try to recreate the exact sound that their beloved cat made. Instead of sounding like a sweet little kitty kat, it’s more like an old momma cat in heat being circled by 4 horny tom cats.

CW:”So my cat was all like ‘MEEEEEYEEEOUUUUWWWW MEEEEEYEEEOUUUUW’and I was like ‘what kitty?!’ MEEEEOUUUUWW MEEEEOOUUUWWWW. hehehe. it was too funny”
ME: Yup, sounds funny.

Funny like a cheese grater on my face, or funny like a sharp hook latching onto my collarbone and yanking it out. It is strange that it irritates me so. Most people have a big problem with the finger nails on a chalkboard but it really doesn’t bug me, but the sounds effects of a cat’s meow coming from my co-worker’s throat drives me batty. I often smash my headphones in my ear if she starts in with a cat story.

I think the sound effect bugs me so much because I’ve heard it before. It wasn’t exactly the same sound but very close. It used to come from my Juinor year roomate’s girlfriend. I’ll never forget the first time I heard it. My roomate and I were in a fierce battle of Unreal Tournament, neck and neck on the scoreboard when we heard ’something’.

Me: Did you hear that?
A: Yeah.
Me: What the hell was it?
A: I don’t know.

We turned our game down and listened. Across the hallway we could hear the other roomate and his girlfriend having a good time, there was a lot of laughing and tussling and then admist the dull roar of a tickle/makeout fight came an ear piercing “WAAAAAAAAHHHHH, WAAAAAHHH” Yes, “wah” just like a baby, a grown, female, 20yr. old raspy voiced baby. My mind flooded with images of her dressed as a toddler and him chasing her around the room. “oohhh who’s your daddy? Who’s gonna give it to you?” Waaaah waaah! “That’s right, you’d better cry!”. It was a frightening sound and mental image that I have not been able to delete from my registers to this day. Whenever I wanted to make my roomate laugh all I had to do was look at him a cry out “waaaah.” I think this is why I can’t listen to anymore cat stories if there is going to be sound effects.
Regardless, my co-worker continues to dole them out with enthusiam, adding new stories every few months.

waaah indeed.

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Blogs and Thongs

Hey I was a guest blogger over at Wingheart today, go check it out.

I saw something today that I thought should be addressed. It’s just a friendly piece of advice for *some* of the ladies. Big ladies, like I’m talking BIG women, shouldn’t wear thongs. Or if they do, they should at least make sure that stuff stays hidden! Damn! No one wants to see that cottage cheese bubbling up over their pants flopping all over the place! And besides, what’s the point of a big momma wearing a thong? I mean, don’t normal undies get all wadded up in there anyways? All I’m saying is, if you just stepped out of a car wearing sweatpants and a guy is coming up to you to give you flowers, at least have the decency to pull up your breeches before taking the flowers. Otherwise it just doesn’t seem very classy and you probably shouldn’t get flowers. :)

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