Archive for August, 2006

Does anyone know if I know a Crystal?

Yesterday I got home and noticed that there was a text message on my phone. Opening the phone I read this:

“Hey everyone this is crystal got a new phone number and this is it! So loves!”

Now we’ve all gotten wrong number dials, but I’ve never experienced a wrong number text. Amused, I decided to write this person back and gently let them know I didn’t know them. I wrote:

“that’s great crystal! But I don’t think I know u? loves!”

Putting it out of my head I went about my business until an hour later when I received:

“F**K head yes you do”

By this point I was guffawing and truly baffled, but I was busy and didn’t care to get all C.S.I. on this chick’s ass to figure out who the heck she was. I had forgotten about the whole incident until today when I received yet another text message from my long lost, easily forgotten friend Crystal:

“Fwd: I wanted to mail you something amazing, sexy and fine but the mailman told me to get my ass out of the mailbox! Keep this one going! :)”

*rolls eyes*. Oh great, as if it isn’t bad enough getting stupid forwards via email, now people do them with text messages?! Argh! I want to call this chica back and say, “look, I don’t know who the heck you are so stop sending me stupid crap” but on the other hand what if I do know her and then I’ll come off looking like a jerk! I mean, she could be hot. She sounds hot. Maybe I’ll call her tomorrow and say: ’sup? Chicks love it when guys talk like that. The hotter the girl, the jockier the guy and the more guttural ghetto language used equals a match made in heaven. She definately *sounds* hot, I’m calling her.

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Morning Movies

I wish I could capture the moment I awake and play it through the whole day. The moment when my brain slowly sets sail away from dreamland and comes back to the now. My eyes creak open to let the rays of the sun bounce upon my pupils, I quickly close them and let out an abundant sigh and interlocking my fingers, I put my hands behind my head. In the stillness that consumes me my head begins to spin and my life, events, people, everything is played before me. In this hazy movie screen everything always seems so clear and simple. Things that confuse me during the waking hours are solved here. My apprehensions, indecisions, fears, frustrations and ego are all washed away and I can clearly see how things should be, and how I should be. Images and feelings flash quickly onto the canvas and with each one there is a knowing sense within me that understands what I need to do. The difficult phone call I have to make later in the day is suddenly easy, and I know exactly what I should say. The apprehension of confronting a friend about a problem plays flawlessly in my head and I am at ease. Even worries about money or my future fall to the wayside and I have an astounding cocoon of peace. Sometimes seemingly random images or people will enter and instantly I will remember that I have failed to call them back or wish them happy birthday. Even more crazy things flood my cranium during these times, but I’ll share those some other time.

Sadly my movie is often ripped off the reel by the alarm clicking on. The feelings of assurance and intrepidity sometimes continue to stay for a brief time but usually as I wake up and head towards the shower they soak back into the cognizant Micah. By the end of the day with the usual drudgery taking its toll things aren’t as easy as I think they should be. That phone call was tough and the words didn’t come out right. I skipped talking to a friend and watched TV instead. I worried about how I was going to pay off my loans…etc. Sometimes there is a small glimmer of hope and I remember how the movie played in the morning. I remember I was supposed to say this or that to him or her or call so-and-so. When I do it, I know it’s a step in the right direction, I just wish it was possible to follow this script all day long. Maybe then I’d be different, maybe then we’d all be different?

I do not know.

Do you?

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I guess I’m glad for traffic signals

This is nuts!
I’m surprised there isn’t more carnage.

check it out man!

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Everyone, listen closely.

Hello my grand readers of 7! I need your help, not for me but my darling sister. It seems she has just discovered the acousticy, soothing sounds of John Mayer and lo and behold she really likes him. Now I know he’s been around for a few years, but this is par for the course when it comes to my sister. You see, the other day I was just talking to her about how I’m glad the Berlin Wall was destroyed and she was surprised! “Really? When did this happen?” was her confused response. My sister chooses to live in her own bubble, sheltered from the rest of the world. I usually take out my ‘reality pin’ and try to burst said bubble but since she’s popped out two kids I’ve given up. The kids add about 100x protection against reality. Why just yesterday I paid her a visit and as we sat in her parlor sipping Boston Sidecars and snacking on cucumber tea sandwiches she turned to me and said, “Did you know the one they call Oprah is black?!” It’s hopeless really.

But hope is not lost since I have you my dear readers! She has commanded me upon a mission to find her some John Mayer. I told her I didn’t have any JM, but maybe my friends would. She’s convinced all of you are holding out the JM. Therefore I am asking if any of you have a CD or two of his that I can borrow. Not to copy as that is illegal and I will not embark upon any illegal activities while this blog is standing. Maybe just to listen to? Once she gets to hummin’ a song it’ll stay there for weeks, so please help me. I don’t think I can bring myself to purchase JM even if it’s anonymous and on the Internet, I just can’t. So help.

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Check out this video of an Isuzu Gemini commercial from the 80’s. Man why can’t we have commercials like that in America? Cars flying through the air always sell. When you can’t have sex, have flying cars. Although I’m glad that our commercials aren’t over three minutes long. But it makes sense b/c I think that’s the only way Isuzu could’ve ever generated any positive light upon their Gemini. What an ugly little car! But I love the precision driving especially when the two cars drift hard right inches from eachother at about 2:38 into the video. It reminds me of growing up watching Dukes of Hazzard and always wanting to be a stunt driver. Oh and I also love two wheel driving! That’s nuts! I tried to find the record for longest two wheel driving, but I can’t, all I know is it was a long distance (if you can find it post it in the comments). I also like killer parking, like this commercial. Now that is a way to park! Really the only thing that’s unbelievable about the commercial is that it was a woman driving. Right? But seriously I’d like to learn how to parallel like that. For the ladies, they invented this car! If you don’t speak German I think they’re saying “Guten Tag. This dominating car parks itself. JA!”

Oh! One more link. Those people in Europe sure like them Duke Boys. I know you didn’t click on the link, go back and click it! Tonight is link night!

Ok leave me comments about your favorite ice cream. This is important.

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Graffiti Love

I saw this on a train behind our building today and y’know, it just made me smile.

I had to blow up the pic so you could see it better, in case you can’t it simply says “hugs”. I think this is important to remember wherever you’re going.

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Web TV!

Phil and I have been working our way through Deadwood via Netflix. Everything was going smoothly until we ordered Disc 2 of Season 2. That disc and the replacement disc sent after it have been lost somewhere in the giant black hole that is The United States Postal Service. It was probably my overstuffed credit card envelopes that jammed the machine causing a fold in the universe thus creating some sort of vacum that is sucking up all of Phil’s Netflixes. Wouldn’t that be funny? Or maybe it was so darn teenagers across the street.

In any event we have been craving Deadwood and our times together have not been as enjoyable since we’ve been Deadwoodless. Enter Tyler a gentle man with deceptive intentions. He came to the rescue big time this weekend. I had my fill of watching The Golden Girls with Phil (he sure loves that Bea Arthur) so in desperation I called Tyler and he happily produced the complete 2nd season of Deadwood. The only catch was it was in AVI format, and my DVD players do not support said format. But Phil had his first bright idea ever and reminded me that the video card on my comp has an S-video out and my TV has an S-video in. I scoured my computer parts and sure enough I found the right cables and before I knew it I had my very own WebTV. Nothing says ‘welcome to 1997′ like surfing the Internet on your TV. I found I can also turn my tv into a second monitor or I can clone the desktop so the display is on both! weee! But no one in their right mind would want to do that since the resolution is horrendous, even with that, I had fun for 72 seconds trying to surf the web on my tv. Fortunately the resolution was good enough for Phil and I to watch our stories. And I suppose that’s all that matters. Oh and if you haven’t checked out Deadwood yet, do.

Look at that, ET on the TV.

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Ok, here’s what we’re gonna do

Take a look at the pic:

What you’re seeing here is not my latest chain-letter-get-rich-quick-scheme (but if you’re interested in sending me $5 in return for 5 names then write me) no, it is my latest stick-it-to-the-man-scheme. Just like everyone else, I seem to get an endless supply of credit card offers in the mail. I especially hate the ones where they send blank checks in my name! I’m fed up with credit card companies trying to entice me to spend more money. I used to shred all the offers with great disdain and annoyance but one day I decided to start saving the return envelopes b/c I realized one thing. The CC companies have to pay for the postage on the envelope. Sense would dictate that the heavier the envelopes are the more postage they are required to pay (unless their hands are in the USPS pockets and they have a special flat rate, I dunno). So it has become my goal to stuff the envelopes as full and as heavy as I can get them and send them back to the evil CCCs. Now, I know you’re thinking, “big whoop, you made the billion dollar CCC pay an extra $.27″. Ah, but don’t you see the potential? With word of mouth and the far reaching effects of The Internets we can all band together sending weightily laden envelopes back from whence they came! By the power of grayskull we can unite as a people devoted to a common purpose and take back our mailboxes! Who’s with me?

Even if you’re not in tune with my superior plan, I thought of something else. Since postage is paid, what if you made a label with your desired destination printed on it, and slapped that label on top of the CCC’s address? Would it still get to nanna’s house in the boondocks or does the Postal Service have special people trained to interrupt this kind of fraud? If not, I may stop stuffing my envelopes, and instead I might send them all to my grandma and save her money on stamps! What’s that? Another great idea you say?! I know, but it’s only a good idea if you use it! So put your minds together, and let me know if this’ll work. I need feedback people.

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Every morning I see her on the way to work. Average height, stocky build for a woman. Dusty brown hair frazzling out from underneath her hat. Regardless of the weather she wears the same bedraggled black coat and she always has her oversized earmuff style headphones on. She stands at the bus stop, always to the left of the route sign. As she stands she vacillates slowly from side to side. Her palms face the sky and when she sways her hands methodically move up and down as if weighing something. I imagine that she’s weighing something important, something more than just a decision on what to eat for lunch. Perhaps she is weighing the good from the evil, the right from the wrong, or maybe she oscillates for no reaching conclusion but to balance. To keep the order of herself or maybe everything? As I putter by I like to imagine that she plays some integral part of our world, that she’s not just some crazy lady who has a bad hip. I pretend that she is a key to the balance of the earth like Atlas is to holding up the earth. If she was to suddenly stop swaying everything around us would be thrown into tremendous turmoil.

I reminds me of an episode of The Twilight Zone I saw when I was a kid. There was an eccentric old man that lived in a small apartment and every few days he’d have his only friend, a younger man, bring him strange objects. Mannequin heads, broken footstools, thumbtacks…etc. One day the friend got a little pushy and finally convinced the crazy old man to let him in the apartment. When the guy walks in he sees all the random objects he’s been bringing hanging from the ceiling, balancing ontop of other objects. The old man is rushing around building more strange things and asks his guest to be careful and not touch anything. Well the young dude knocks something over and it crashes to the ground, the old man screeches and says, “You just destroyed a small island in the South Pacific”. Young man laughs and leaves, but when he comes back the next day to bring more strange stuff he sees the news that says a tidal wave overtook a whole island in the South Pacific, killing everyone. He runs to the old man freaking out, and the old man says “he’s done saving the world” and walks out, leaving the fate of the world in the young guy’s hands –side note– I just totally realized this is exactly the same thing that Desomond did to Jack and Locke on LOST! Ha!–end side note–

I think she’s like that, keeping it all in order unbeknownst to any of us, balancing it all in her hands. Or maybe she’s just a woman with a bad hip.

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I wanna push your buttons

I was hanging in Tyler’s computer room last night when he turns to me and says, “Hey do you want an Arsenio Hall button?”. I said, “sure” because honestly who wouldn’t want that button? That’s when I noticed he had a whole jar of completely random buttons that he created. So for the next 20 minutes Sarah, Tyler and I continually grabbed handfuls of buttons looking at each one. There were some skulls, pintos and all sorts of things. He gave me a small handful of good ones (see pic below) and I found a killer one that had a picture of Bush on the phone in the oval office with the caption, “Get Awesome” imprinted underneath. This made me giddy. Today I took the Bush button and put it on the keyboard of the raving anti-Bush lady in the office. Later in the day I heard her asking around to everyone, “what is this?”, “Who did this?”, “Is this yours?” etc…etc. This made me even more giddy. I would have her told it was me, but she never asked.

Anyways, contact Tyler if you want your own cool buttons, because mine aren’t for sale.

I think I’ll go with the Chuck Norris tomorrow.
Or maybe The A-team.
Awww crap, I can’t decide.
I suppose it doesn’t matter, either one will allow me to Get Awesome.

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