Archive for January, 2007

Soap droppings

Arggh! I hate dropping the soap in the shower. I don’t know if it’s because my digits aren’t fully awake or the fact that soap, by nature is slippery when wet, but every morning I drop it anywhere from 2 - 3902 times. It’s getting annoying. I’ve been taking showers for at least 3 years and you’d think by now I could hang on to the stupid soap. This morning I must’ve dropped the soap 8 times in about 20 seconds while trying to wash my right arm. By the eighth time I yelled at the soap as it mockingly lay in my watery residue near the drain. I rinsed off, said ‘to heck with it!’ and got out of the shower. It’s true, my body is only 62% clean right now, but I’ve had enough and I say it’s better than nothing! The only thing I could think about as I dried off my glistening physique, is the fact that I’m sure my soap dropping skills would make me real popular in the prison showers. Glad I’m not in prison. Although I admit, I don’t know what showering in prison is like, I just assume that the rumors and movie depictions are true to life.

Does anyone else have trouble keeping their soap above bathtub drain level? Do they still make soap on a rope? I think I might buy the soap on a rope but I’d probably slip in the shower, the rope would snag on a bathroom hook and I’d inadvertently hang myself. That would be embarrassing. I suppose I could buy a bungie cord for the soap and attach it to the ceiling and that way if I ‘dropped’ it, it would spring back to eye level. Hmmm, blocks of soap springing to eye level doesn’t sound very safe. Any suggestions?

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Cats are funny when wet.

In order to balance my sometimes ’sentimental posts’ on here, Tyler showed me this video. I have to say I haven’t laughed this hard in a long time. Poor cat. Pet spa….please, horrible idea but good for laughs.

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untraditional earnings

Today was the first day that I’ve made any money in real estate, although it wasn’t the normal way realtors usually do it. For a few months we have been showing houses to a buyer, his girlfriend and their friend. All three currently live together and plan on living in a house together. The buyers are near my age, and possibly some of the most laid back people I’ve ever met. My colleague and I love showing them houses just to hear their witty banter back and forth. Their criteria for a house is comical as well. They want something that has room for a pool table and/or a ping-pong table and a big enough backyard to build a ramp. Even though they drive, they like to ride BMX bikes that you can do a bunch of tricks on. Beyond that criteria they’re open to most anything it seems. We’ve looked at some of the ickiest houses I have ever seen. We’ve smelled the stench of cat pee throughout the house, and been afraid to touch anything. No matter the condition of the house Aaron* the buyer never seems phased. I walked into one bedroom to find wooden cabinets built into the wall. The front of the cabinets had been shot up with a B.B. gun with some bb’s still embedded in their mini craters. I pointed out the mess to Aaron, he took on look and said, “Sweet! We’re definately keeping that tradition”.

Today we had them come back to our office to write up an offer on a house. While we were writing up the offer we found out that they were the betting type. They like to bet on everything. The great thing is, they stay true to their bets. Real money is constantly changing hands. They bet on stupid stuff, instead of sports or whatever. They bet on everyday things. In the office there is a snow globe filled with water that has a golf ball and a tee inside. The tee is stationary, but the golf ball floats around. In the middle of signing contracts they became completely engrossed with the golf snow globe, relentlessly trying to get the ball on top of the tee. It is very difficult to do but my partner Michelle is very skilled at it. She often does it on the first try. After it took one of them 10 minutes to get it balanced on the tee, they bet Michelle that she couldn’t do it on the first try. I bet them she could and in a flash $15 appeared on the table and all eyes were on Michelle. She was nervous and quickly failed at getting the ball to rest on the tee. I was sad as I watched my client take my money.

We finished up with all the contract signing and Aaron decided he would give it a try. I was gone for nearly 10 minutes and when I returned he had still not gotten the ball to rest on top of the tee. Since I was already $5 poorer I thought I would razz him that every time he fails I should get a dollar. Words were exchanged and before I knew it, the globe was in my hand and $11 was back on the table, betting against me that I couldn’t get it in 20 tries. Things were looking pretty bleak until #17 when I nailed it. YES! I love betting (when I win). I still haven’t closed my first transaction but in the meantime I can use my skills to suck the money out of clients.

I had to laugh, during the middle of all the hoopla with the golf ball globe the big boss man walks in and catches us goofing off. I wondered what he thought as two of his ‘employees’ were standing in a circle next to two guys tattooed to the hilt all focusing on a small golf ball globe. Whatever makes the sale right?

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Since when can the weatherman predict the weather? Let alone the future.

There was a stint in my childhood and another stint in my early adulthood where I sincerely wanted to be a weatherman. I loved looking at the different types of clouds and often found myself watching the news just so I could hear about the weather. As I got older I realized being a weatherman is probably the bestest job ever! Name one other job where you can be totally wrong, and totally goof up and still come away employed? Besides NBA superstars and movie stars I can think of none. I can’t imagine being part of a large firm, walking into the boardroom and spouting off a bunch of information as fact and then the next day everything you stated is worthless, and everyone knows it. This is what weathermen do and they never get in trouble. Last week all we heard about was how cold it was going to be and how much snow and freezing rain we were going to get. After all the hype all we got was a skiff of snow. Whooopie. Today I woke up early for an appointment and as I lay there I heard the radio announcer, “….and clackamas schools are close, and corbett schools are closed…” I was confused so I peered outside and what did my eyes behold?

A winter wonderland that wasn’t even reported! Stupid weathermen! A little heads up next time fellas….please?

The sad thing is I had four different buyers that wanted to see houses today and now I had to cancel all of them. I’m just hoping it will be clear tomorrow.

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I walked into grandma’s house today

It wasn’t my grandma’s house, and it probably wasn’t your grandma’s house, but it was someone’s grandma. It looked as if she had only just left and we should expect her return at any moment, yet somehow I knew that she would never return. In spite of her absence the clocks on the wall continued to tick and the heater clicked on as the temperature dipped. I could see which spot on the davenport was her favorite. Faded fibers stretched thin from decades of use. I wondered if that was where she did her knitting, or crocheting or whatever it is that grandmother’s do with yarn and thread. Maybe that’s the spot she read through the mounds of books that were stacked throughout the house, or it’s possible she didn’t like to read, but instead enjoyed watching ‘her stories’ on a tv set far older than I. In the kitchen I could imagine her huddled over the little stove cooking, baking, frying eggs for breakfast. The dishes in the cupboard screamed 1956 and reminded me of dishes my own grandmother had once had. The pantry was stocked full of soups and cereals that had obviously been purchased only a few months prior. The basement was a sight to behold. Floor to ceiling of stuff told the story of a woman who had obviously grown up and lived through the depression where nothing was wasted and nothing was thrown out. A mound of clothes 4 feet high, stretched through the middle of the basement 12 - 15 feet long. I had never seen anything like it. The basement also showed the amount of history this old, little house contained. If only the walls could talk.

As my coworker and I walked into the tiny bedroom of the bungalow we both sensed it. I’ve never had a feeling quite like it before, but as we stood in the doorway of the bedroom we knew we really weren’t alone. Grandma may have left physically, but she was still here. Inexplicably my coworker blurted out, “she died here” and with the hair at attention on the back of my neck all I could mumble was “I know”. We both knew. We both knew that just a few weeks earlier grandma was standing where we were, we almost felt like intruders. I’m not sure if she was trying to reassure me or herself but my coworker kept telling me “it was a happy home, it’s ok, it was a happy home”. And indeed as far as I could tell, it was.

I’m not sure what will happen to grandma’s house. She unknowningly lived in a now trendy area and young hipsters are bloodthirsty looking for houses like hers. The house that took 50 years or better for her to build a home in, was sold in less than three days. In three weeks all evidence of her existence in the bungalow will be gone. 50 years of building a life, dismantled in a matter of days. Seems a shame. I only hope the memory of her will last indefinitely in the hearts and minds of her children and grandchildren, without that it would truly be a shame.

The info sheet on grandma’s house said it was ‘vacant’, I’d say it was anything but vacant…

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Possibly the only reason to ever let your tv rest on the E! channel

Wow, I think that was the longest heading I’ve ever had!
I had a normal, comical, fun, chilling post in my head for tonight but I scrapped it because I’m just too dog-gone tired. I wish everyone could just read my thoughts and get a chuckle without me having to write it all out. Except I’m glad that everyone can’t read my thoughts because I believe there would be times that you would not chuckle.

If you’re like me, there are times you flip through the channels and stop on shows that look interesting, funny or draw you in like a trainwreck. If the show you park on feels like a horrible trainwreck, you should check your TV Guide, because you have most likely stopped upon the E! channel. For those of you out of the ‘know’, E! produces undeniable gems such as, “Girls Next Door”, “The House of Carters” and “Dr. 90210″. All three are quality shows, if you like crap. Late at night, when no one else is around and I feel like going a little crazy, I like to see if one of these three shows is on and sneak a peek. It is a refreshing reminder of what I hope to never become.

As the title of this post suggests there is one program (IMO) that stands out as deserving to be viewed, that is “The Soup”. The Soup basically exists to make fun of other tv programs and unsurprisingly many of the clips come from the E! channel. The host, Joel Mchale is decently funny and they keep the show going pretty well. I always forget that it is on because my Tivo fails to recognize the E! channel as a legitimate channel, which is about the truest assesment Tivo has ever given.

Watch it, these aren’t the best clips but the first one does make fun of Rosie O’Donnell and that always makes me happy:

And seriously, what is the deal with Japanese game shows?!

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Would you like to buy a house?

My name is Micah and I am your friendly neighborhood realtor. Please excuse the lack of posts for this week but my life has officially switched into overdrive. I am in shock as to how quickly things can change. I feel so busy right now, and I’ve only just begun. But once again, doors seem to be flying open with this whole real estate thing.

Late last week the head honcho came to me and said, “be ready, we’re to get you going on stuff soon”. He said by the end of the month I should be ready to get my first clients. GREAT! But I was a bit scared b/c I still felt like no one had really showed me anything. As newbie realtors we’re supposed to shadow as many other agents as we can, this is the best way to learn in this type of business, mimic what the good people are doing.

I chose to follow Michelle, the english lady who’s party I went to on New Year’s eve. She seemed like a real go-getter and had a great personality that clicked well with me. After two days of following her and talking with her she asked me if I wanted to form a team and work together. I was floored and estatic. For someone who is just starting out this thrilled me, what better way to get up to speed than to be coupled with someone that knows what they’re doing?! We talked more and more about it and she finally decided to ask the big boss man what he thought. I was hesitant because I figured he would say no, but instead he was 100% for it and thought it was a great idea! He said he has worked on a team before, and you have to be attached at the hip and constantly know what the other person is doing, but in the end you can do 5-6x as much work as one person and it allows for each person to have a little time off. This was a big point for Michelle, she wants to make more moola this coming year, but she also wants to be able to take a day off now and again.

So almost instantly after the decision was made, my days are now longer and not ruled by an hourly wage. It’s a totally different mindset. But it’s not all bad. The other day we worked nearly 11 hours, but honestly I didn’t even mind. We got smoozed and were given a free lunch by the escrow company, I got my picture taken for my business cards, but my buddy Tyler works at the photography place so I got to BS with him for 45 minutes, it really wasn’t a bad day. I’m sure there will be some days that I just want to sleep or not have my phone ring off the hook, but for now I love it. I love the idea that the harder I work, the more likely I’ll see the outcome in my wallet. In my last job, and all the other jobs before it, there was really no incentive to work hard. That sounds bad but it’s true. Now I find myself working at home and not minding it.

But I do see that it will be hard to blog everyday or every other day as I once did. I will try my best, writing is still a nice stress reliever and diversion from the hustle and bustle of being a real estate agent.

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Happiness is also..

Your dirty socks on your friend’s face as he sleeps:

Y’know I had an even better picture lined up with all sorts of remotes, video game controllers, a computer keyboard and more dirty laundry, but my dear friend woke up inquisitively wondering why all my crap was on him. Although it did give me the idea to start a new website called ’’ just like Stuff on my cat.

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A British New Year

How was your New Year’s celebration? Mine was bloody great! It was a bit different from year’s past. I originally didn’t have much planned so I decided to go to coworker’s party. She’s a fellow realtor and has been super helpful to me in my training so I thought it would be a nice gesture. Plus she’s from England and quite a hoot so I assumed it would be entertaining. I wasn’t wrong.

As I approached the door and pressed my finger to the button I had a moment of doubt. It dawned on me that I would not know anyone there and I barely knew her! I sucked it up and entered in. The music was pumping and unfamiliar faces spread across the room, I spotted the host and she introduced me to a few folks. I got comfortable and aquainted with a few people and after a strong Long Island tea I was feeling pretty friendly.

I hadn’t been there too long when Michelle (the host) made everyone get in a big circle so we could play ‘pass the parcel’, except it was said with her accent it sounded like ‘poss the pacel’. The game is like musical chairs except you pass this big package around the circle, when the music stops you have to unwrap the first layer of the package, find the piece of paper contained within and do whatever the paper says. Most of the time the paper had us doing some pretty ridiculous stuff. During the game I noticed that one of the other women present had a British accent as well, she looked to be about the same age as Michelle so I figured it was a sister visiting. When the parcel finally stopped on me I opened it and it read, “Pretend you’re Simon Cowell and pick on three people and tell them why they’re crap.” Remember, I knew only the host, so it actually made me nervous. Luckily the long island was swinging in full effect allowing my tongue to be loose enough to adopt a proper british/Simon Cowell accent. I quickly made fun of Michelle’s shirt, some lady’s watch and this older gentleman’s beaded necklace that seemed out of place on him. Everyone got a good laugh out of it so I thought I must’ve done a good job.

After the game a lady came up to me and jokingly said, “Now that you’ve alienated everyone here are you going to leave?” She went on to inform me that the man with the necklace was her boyfriend and he wears it to cover up the scar from his throat surgery! I couldn’t believe it, of all the things to poke fun at, I chose that. She reassured me that he can take it and I said, “Well, y’never know, you might make fun of someone with a limp and find out they have a prosthetic leg!” She called throat man over and as he spoke I realized he was probably the 4th person I had talked to who had a British accent! I immediately thought ‘bloody hell!’ and asked him what what the deal was. He explained that they were all a part of a British Club for Portlanders and that I had not stepped into a portal that transferred me to the Mother Country…..which I had originally thought. I asked him what brought him to America and specifically Oregon, his answer? Prosthetics! He sells prosthetics.
It freaked me out, I thought maybe I had some sort of psychic connection with this guy, so I got the heck away from him after we were done talking.

The night turned out to be great and it was interesting to see the little things that were different with all the Brits around. There was a large sense of camaraderie among everyone and it was neat to see them play some traditional British song and watch them dance in a circle arm in arm. Everyone knew the correct moves associated with the song and I realized Americans really have nothing like that. We’re just a large melting pot of cultures. Also, everyone there had no problem making asses out of themselves no matter how proper they seemed. I enjoyed that. One tradition they do in England is for them to go outside, interlock arms and belt out Auld Lang Syne. Which we did after midnight, it was neat, I’ve never actually sang that at a new year’s party so it was fun. As we were walking back one lady asked, “Wot do ya think of aull these Brits?” I answered, “You’re a lot of fun. You make many Americans look boring!” her response was, “Oh no, it’s not that! We just drink too much!” Which is true, at least for her. At the end of the night I went up to her to tell her it was nice meeting her. I planned on shaking her hand or giving her a wave, but she wrapped her arms around me in a big hug and said, “it was nice meeting you! What was your name?” Classic.

Earlier in the day I happened to visit the Horsebrass Pub which is a great authentic British Pub with a wide selection of single malt liquors, traditional British Grub and good cheer. Much like my New Year.

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Happy New Year!

Happy 2007 everyone! I trust your ringin’ in time was excellent? Mine was….different, but fun. I just got up so it’s too early to write about it, but soon I’ll have a proper recap of the last few days events.

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