Archive for December, 2007

5 year old drummer

This is truly amazing. You need to watch the video below of a five year old drummer. While you’re watching it don’t forget that this kid is only 5 years of age. It’s amazing what can happen when a child finds his talent early on. Tony recently posted a video of his 3 year old son playing the drums, and that too was very impressive. If Tony’s kid sticks with it, he could easily be this good by 5.


The Angels Rejoice

Christmas Eve Day I headed over to Phil’s house to torment his cat, eat food and play some video game basketball. I had been in his house for only five minutes before he declared that he was starving. From all the empty ice cream bowls, bottles of Dr. Pepper and bags of chips I knew he was far from starving but as I have found out, when Phil ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy, so I agreed we should go seek out some grub.

His car led us to Safeway, and although the parking lot appeared full it really wasn’t too busy on the inside. As we walked near the front doors the Salvation Army Donation Guy was out front rambunctiously ringing his ear-piercing bell “Merry dinga-dinga-dinga” was all I heard as the automatic doors swung open. Once inside we were greeted with the sounds of Elvis moanin’ his ‘Blue Christmas’ over the loud speakers, I was happy since it is one of my favorite Christmas songs. We found chicken strips, jo-jo potatoes and pizza sticks that would satisfy our hunger….obviously we’re bachelors, no need for any green salad like material in our diets!

In the checkout line I pulled out my wallet, but Phil feeling like ol’ jolly St. Nick said not to worry about it since my spread was only $2, plus he liked me having to owe him. I opened my wallet and discovered a $5 among the receipts.
“Cool! I’ll go give it to that Salvation Army guy and maybe he’ll stop ringing his bell for 5 seconds so we can walk to the car in peace!”
With our hands full of groceries we lumbered towards the door. I put the five in the donation slot and the ringing man said “thank you” I smiled and said “you’re welcome”. In my head this was the end of the transaction. As Phil and I turned to walk away the man started,

By this time he was yelling it out for the whole world to see and hear and we were scurrying to the car. If you could know anything about Phil it is that he HATES drawing any attention to himself. If he had a choice it’d be to neither be seen or heard. Phil and Buster Bluth would make perfect bedfellows.

We got in the car and Phil blurted, “Well if I knew you were going to get a whole sermon I would’ve told you to keep your money!” I agreed. But I sure thought it was funny. I don’t know what made the man snap into preacher mode, maybe he could smell Phil’s fear, it doesn’t matter since it made my day. Maybe the angels rejoice when Phil gets embarrassed? If that’s the case, I’d like to make them rejoice everyday.

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I’ll be expelling my innards for Christmas

Friday night Michelle and her bouncer hubby John had a Christmas party. Originally it was supposed to just be an office Christmas party, but since the response was less than stellar we decided to branch out and invite friends and clients. Very few people showed up, but we still had a blast. Michelle made loads of food and our clients brought home cooked ham, swedish meatballs and spinach dip. I brought chips and Phil, he counts as a delicacy in some countries.

Phil and I arrived a touch early so we could setup Rockband, if you don’t know what that is, then you’ve been asleep. I was unsure how it was going to go since the game is a little complicated and takes some organization to get everyone to play. Michelle insisted that we have it, so we brought it. It turned out to be a blast. Our clients that came didn’t want to play but they had a kick watching us make fools of ourselves, playing the fake drums and guitar and Michelle wailing like a moose in heat. Just kidding Michelle, you were brilliant :)

The party continued, we played guesstures and our team won, which was fantastic. I ate and ate and drank and drank. I was taking it easy on the sauce for awhile until people kept making fun of me that I was only drinking water. So I stepped it up a notch. Some parts of the night were a blur. I remember doing a push up competition with Phil and Michelle, I think Phil got a kiss on the cheek by a British babe, I walked like a supermodel, I recall going to the bathroom while the girls were doing the Macarena, and coming out to discover they were all on the floor straddling each other. Something transpired while I was relieving myself and I’m sad I missed it. Whatever happened, Phil had a look of happiness on his face.

We left about 1:30 in the morning. I was feeling fairly happy and not too crazy. Apparently I insisted that Phil take the Salt and Vinegar chips I bought home with him, I don’t know why, but he obliged me. On the drive home I found a huge bag of corn chips between my legs so I started chomping on them. I’m not sure that was the best idea, but at the time it seemed genius!

I stumbled into my house and felt good just very tired and a bit sloppy from being drunk. I hadn’t had a drink in ages so I was surprised I was till feeling the effects. I got ready for bed and sat in my computer chair and closed my eyes for a brief moment. That’s when they started. The spins. Every time I closed my eyes for more then a blink the room would take off in a circular direction. I’ve only experienced this two different times in my life, I’m not sure what causes it, just being too soused I guess.

I was irritated because I was so tired and all I wanted to do was fall asleep, but couldn’t. I sat in my computer chair for nearly an hour in a daze. Around 2:30 I got up because I suddenly felt ‘weird’. I think we all know that sudden weird feeling, something big is about to happen we’re not sure if it is going to be good or bad. I walked from my room to the laundry room and back again. I did this route about 15 times before I realized I was running to the utility sink in the laundry room and yelled, “RAAALLLPH, drives a BUUUUUIICK”. All I remember was the delicious taste of corn chips and wine. YUM! After a few movements of my Opera I cleaned up and felt ok. I remember it came on so suddenly I didn’t think I could make it to the bathroom, plus I didn’t want to wake up my landlord, so the laundry sink seemed like the best idea at the time.

I went back to the computer chair and proceeded to nod off with my head resting against my hand, but every time I fell asleep my head would slip off my hand and wake me up. Classic. After a half an hour of nodding off I thought that walking around would get rid of the spins, so I walked back to the laundry room. My nose was met with the pungent smell of corn chip wine, I looked and realized that my earlier escapades in the sink had not drained. So at 3:30 in the morning I knew what I needed was a stick.

I went outside with my bare feet and pajamas and stumbled around in the backyard looking for a good poking stick. When I found a suitable one I came back inside and proceeded to poke away any evidence of my violent vomitings. I went back to the computer chair and somehow fell asleep. Sometime before 4:30 I woke up again with that feeling and made my way to the laundry room. Round two was just as great as the first, except this time I suddenly felt clear when I was done. No more spins, a clearer head, just exhausted. I grabbed my stick and went to work, but was so tired I couldn’t be bothered to do a good job. I went to my room and fell into bed.

Four hours later I got up and went to the bathroom. On my way back I looked and there was an ridiculously gross mess in the sink. With my nose plugged I grabbed loads of paper towels and cleaned up the previous night’s party time leftovers. So gross. I’m so glad the landlord didn’t do any early morning laundry otherwise she would’ve been most disappointed. After scooping all the treats out, I found a comet can and went to town disinfecting and truly cleaning everything. Since I was there, I also decided to run some laundry.

For the record I have never ever gotten drunk and did the puke thing. It’s not my style, and I’m usually not that stupid. It’s probably because I’m an old man now, my system can’t handle it. I really wasn’t too drunk, but I think it’s the combo of, doritos, spring rolls, lil’ sausages, swedish meatballs, dip, beer, wine, long island iced teas and spiked egg nog that did me in.

The whole next day was spent sleeping and feeling a bit pale. I finally pulled myself together around 3pm when I made my way to Phil’s and we watched Cool Hand Luke, which is a great movie if you’ve never seen it! I’ve heard so many pop culture references from that film, but never knew it.

Needless to say, I’ve had my fill of drink for awhile and I believe my New Year will be brought in with water and saltines.

Party on!

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The leader of the band is dead

So sad, he was only 56.

Dan Fogelberg 


Drink your tea

I rarely like to talk politics, mostly because I believe that all politicians are scumbags and when you vote you’re voting for the lesser of two evils. Plus even though the people of this nation are supposed to have a say in what goes on with our beloved nation it rarely seems like we have any sort of power. The government and big business have their hands in each other’s pockets and until the American people get mad, mad as hell nothing is going to change. So as per usual, I had my head down in the sand when it came to all the people running for president and spouting their party line drivel.

Then along came Ron Paul. Hopefully by now you’ve heard of Ron Paul, if you haven’t it behooves you to check him out. He is a breath of fresh air in the manky underworld of politicians. He is someone who isn’t afraid to speak the truth and really stand up for what he believes in. Furthermore, what he believes in is just about the craziest thing I’ve ever heard out of a politicians mouth. Smaller government, going back to the Constitution, less government control, new foreign policy, no more policing the world, less government spending…etc…etc. He’s running as a Republican, but I don’t think he falls into either party. He’s the loose cannon and that’s why I think he’s great. The best part? He is as sharp as a tac and a genius with money. If you haven’t, you should look him up on youtube and see him in some of the recent debates. He never vacillates and his answers are strong. Do I believe in all his view points? No, it’d take Jesus or Steve Irwin (R.I.P.) running for president for me to agree on every issue. Can’t you imagine Steve Irwin as president? “Right, so whot wee have heeere is a national deficit of 9 treeeellion dollars. Now, I’m gonna sneek up on this debt very cautiously and when I say go, I’m gonna grab it fast and I’m gonna grab it hard.”

The coolest thing about Ron Paul is that he has such a huge under the radar/grassroots following. On the 5th of November his supporters raised $4.2 million dollars in one day. This was no fancy fundraiser with $2,000 plate dinners, it was done on the Internet without any prompting by him. Amazing. Tomorrow (Dec. 16th) marks the 234th anniversary of the Boston Tea Party. Once again Paul’s supporters have organized an event to donate like crazy to his campaign to show the other candidates and the government that he’s the real deal. For the first time in my life I not only like and agree with a presidential candidate, but I am going to take what little money I have and donate something to his campaign.

Not to sound all doomsdayish, but I really believe that America is in trouble. And unless there is a drastic change things are only going to get worse, much worse. I hate to use the word revolution, but if you don’t think that there needs to be a change, then you’re not paying attention. This country needs someone that is willing to abide by the Constitution, not take away our rights as citizens and stand to make a change. From everything I’ve read and seen I really believe Ron Paul is radical enough to do it. As things get worse and worse it is going to take someone radical, otherwise we’ll really be in shambles. I know many people wouldn’t even give Paul a second look because he’s a Republican, I say vote for the person, not the party. As for me tomorrow I will enjoy my tea and do what I can to make sure we’re still the land of the free.

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Surprised I didn’t invent this

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