Archive for January, 2008

Pickin’ up new terms

Hanging around the Brit Michelle all the time will make one pick up a few terms for the vocabulary. I’ve already been accused of using the phrase “taking the piss” (making fun of someone) a few times around my “mates” (friends) which in turn makes them take the piss outta me. Phil will always say, “Oh so NOW you’re British!”. Once in awhile Michelle will bust out a new phrase that completely catches me by surprise I have to stop her mid sentence and ask her to repeat it. Some of my new favs that I catch myself using are, “Manky” (Nasty/gross) As in Michelle is right manky since she didn’t have a shower after her workout. Another one is “egg timin’”. I’m not actually sure if this is a British word or just a Michelle-ism but she uses to it mean her computer is being slow and the mouse pointer is gone and has turned into the egg timer.

“Oh my God, my damn computer is egg timin’ and I’m late for my appointment! Help me mate, I can’t be bothered to fix this and plus I’m manky!”

That’s usually how it goes when her computer is egg timin’, many words of frustration. Perhaps the best phrase I heard this week came out during a conversation about kickboxing.

Michelle: What are you gonna do Friday?

Me: I’ll probably go to kickboxing and then who knows? Are you going to come?

Michelle: Naw I can’t it’s hen night.

Me: Oh rea—-wha? Hen night?

Michelle: Yup!

Me: What’s that?

Michelle: It’s Hen night, y’know for girls, we’re taking Eve out before her wedding.

Me: Oh so like a bachelorette party?

Michelle: Yup!

Me: I’ve never heard that, so would a bachelor party be cock night?

Michelle: I suppose…..

Since they’ve been planning this party all week, I’ve heard the phrase ‘hen night’ at least seven times and it never ceases to make me snark out loud. I get such a visual of all these white hens in a barnyard gathered around bocking and cackling much like women do during a night out on the town.

I don’t mean to take the piss Michelle, I just hope your computer or anything else doesn’t egg time on hen night.

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Everyone should do this

Everyone should do this

Friday night. Workout is done, shower is over, my stomach is grumbling. I find myself in K’s apartment cold, hungry ready to eat. “Just come over, we’ll figure it out when you get here” she said into the cell phone. As I made the 25 minute trek to her apartment I thought someone had swapped out my Kia’s muffler with one of them loud lawn mower type mufflers you see on Hondas. Turns out it was just my belly growling for the grub.

We couldn’t decide where to go, so we finally picked Claim Jumpers. Even though it was nearly 8pm the place was packed out. We checked in and the hostess informed us it would be at least a half an hour wait. I wasn’t thrilled since my stomach was eating itself, but the company was good and every other restaurant would have had the same wait. K and I took our pager and found a spot to stand near the other (vacant) hostess stand.

In case you’ve never been to Claim Jumpers it has a huge lobby and most of them have two hostess stations. I’m not sure the reason for the second station, maybe if there was ever an Old West style shootout it would give the hostesses another place to duck for cover, but other than that I see no reason to have two stations. We stood there talking about life and annoyances and I told her about a blog post I was formulating in my head. The conversation turned towards grammar and soon we were discussing the proper placement of past participles pertaining to prose. As we discussed the difference between ‘loose’ and ‘lose’ a bartender came out of the bar and placed a pager next to us on the vacant hostess stand. We paid little attention to the pager until 2 minutes later when it lit up with flashes and buzzes. My eyes also lit up and with a flash of brilliance I grabbed the pager.

Me: We should totally take it over there and pretend it’s ours.

K: No way! They’ll know and get mad at us.

Me: How are they gonna know? We just say, ‘yup our pager buzzed’

K: I dunno, I feel dishonest

Me: It doesn’t matter, the people that had this pager went and sat in the bar instead! I’m taking it over there, I’m doing it.

And with that we walked over to the hostess that was gathering the menus. I strode confidently until we reached the other counter and I quickly shoved the buzzing pager into K’s hand and gave her a nudge on the back with my elbow.

Hostess: Kevin party of 2?

K: (sheepish grin) umm….hmmm..errr (hands pager over)

Me: yup

Seven minutes after we entered the building We were following the hostess to our seats, walking past all the other families that had just seen us check in. As we walked past the dessert counter I hid the real pager in between the menus and candy.

We were about to sit down at our stolen table and the hostess asked again

Hostess: Were you Kevin party of 2?

K: Um, actually–

Me: Yeah, our pager buzzed!

Hostess: I think you must’ve gotten someone else’s pager

Me: Yeah, well…

And with that she sat us down. It was awesome! I suggest everyone should do that when they have the chance. In the days before the pager they would take your name and call it out. I’ve always wanted to jump up and say “yes I’m Mr. Smith” when no one answered the call, but I’ve always been too chicken. It all came together on this night, and in case you’re wondering, the food does taste so much better on a stolen table under someone else’s name.

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Ten golden rules to online gaming

If you have spent anytime gaming online you will appreciate this article. I don’t know what happens to people when they game online
but give a wimpy 12-year old a controller and a headset with a microphone and he is transformed into a macho bully with plenty-o-attitude to
smear around. Under the anonymity of online play people seem to show their true colors, which is a little scary. One thing that I have never
understood in regards to online play is singing. Why do idiots feel the need to scream out their favorite tune for all to hear? It’s just plain weird. Anyways, read the article. 1, 2 and 7 are probably the most accurate in my experience.

Article HERE

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I’m a gladiator…… the bedroom!

Is it just me or is anyone else excited about the new American Gladiators? I don’t know if it’s nostalgia or what, but I’m pretty stoked about it. I remember watching the old ones with my dad and how bad I always wanted to be on there. I would watch the other contestants and think how I would’ve done it differently, although I was only 12 so I don’t know how well I could’ve done. It’s funny to me to see how much TV has changed. In the past year I’ve caught a few episodes of the original AG on cable. It was pretty rough looking and didn’t seem to have too much $$ put into the set. Now the new one looks all flashy and cool. But it still retains that level or corniness that comes with American Gladiators. It cracks me up to see grown men and woman with names like: Sabre, Lace, Lightning, Mountain, Gearhead…etc. It’s all part of the silly fun. Either way I’m going check it out, and you should too, it’s on NBC Sunday at 9pm.

This is Metal Fists, signing off.

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