Archive for August, 2010

But don’t you need to jailbreak it?

This is Tony through and through. If you ask Tony what he’s thinking, he’ll tell you he’s thinking about the latest and greatest Droid phone. If you ask him what he’s doing he’s playing with his Droid phone and if you ask him where he’s going, he’ll tell you he’s going to talk on his Droid phone. Tony loves his Droid phone and he never misses and opportunity to tell anyone about it.

This comic reminded me of him.

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I am a counter

Throughout my normal day I’ve become increasingly aware of the fact that I am constantly counting. I’m not counting anything important, just anything that my eyes happen to rest upon. I wish I could say this is a super power “my amazing ability to count” but I have found no benefit to it. When Timmy is stuck in a tree no one ever says “Thank God you’re here sequential counting man!” and then I proceed to count the ways of getting Timmy down from the three. That’s a superpower that annoys, rather than helps.

Does anyone else do this or am I alone in my pointless counting?

This morning I was gathering some documents to be mailed and I started counting “1..2..3..4….8” Eight documents in total. Wowee. The problem is I wasn’t sure how many documents were actually supposed to be there so I would’ve been satisfied with 6 or maybe even 10 documents! Counting them was utterly pointless, much like putting butter on a croissant.

I think all of this started from my inventory days when my whole job was to count. Many hours of counting soup, shoes and lumber made me a wizard on the 10-key and a Viking of addition. I started out like any noob with “1..2..3..etc” and I quickly progressed to the popular “2…4…6…8” method of counting. Eventually I learned how to see large groups of numbers and patterns while counting and progressed my counting career.  Now unfortunately I cannot unsee those patterns of numbers and in my day-to-day I’m counting spokes on lowered civic’s rims, the number of blue buttons on my work phone and how many teeth that homeless guy has. Three.

Most of the time I’m fairly accurate in my needless counting, except when I’m doing situps. I don’t know if it’s the up and down movement causing the fluid sloshing around my brain or the lack of blood, but I seem to lose my count quite easily when my abdominals are getting crunched.


After a workout I’d feel good about doing 600 situps but I’ve become increasingly aware of my creative counting and have realized I’m lucky if I did 78. No wonder my abs have refused to surface.  :/

I ever I found myself in an intense hostage-negotiating situation, I’d like to think that my counting skills would come in handy. Combine those skills with my abilities as a top shot and my general badassery and I think I’d look a lot like Korben Dallas as seen below.



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Today is…..

yay for sequential numbers!


Sweet Friday!

What more is there to say? The sun is shining, the wind is calm I think I’ll go fly for a day.

Actually I can’t, I’ve got two (2) BBQ’s to go to this weekend. Lots and lots of meat to eat.

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I keep thinking this should be on the onion

For the past few days I keep checking this link and expecting big red letters to appear “hahha gotcha!”

But sadly that hasn’t happened yet. I read this and think, they really can’t be serious…right? What’s next? Cracking down on mud? Then cracking down on the rain? And then cracking down on the sun??!

 Read about it here.

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Yay for idiots!

There is something so very satisfying about an idiot, doing something stupid and paying for his idiocy.

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The Glorious Zach Anner

It seems some people haven’t heard of Zach Anner, well learn who he is!

Here is his original submission video that set the internets ablaze:

After the audition he disappeared for awhile and people were sad that he had already had his 15 minutes of fame, but I think he still has more in him.

I love this guy’s spirit and humor, so funny and easy going despite his sexy palsy.

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She’s kind of a $&*!

I had to go to radio shack today. I haven’t gone to radio shack in years and today I remembered why I try to avoid it. I actually like going there to look around, but overall I think I will keep doing my best to avoid it. HES needed a new phone and we were going to order it online, but decided to go to a T-Mobile dealer to touch and fondle the phones before deciding on one. I needed some solder and was told by solder junkies that radio shack had the best stuff.
We walked in and made a B-line towards the phones just as a salesman who called himself Austin made a B-line towards us. I was expecting that, but wasn’t expecting him to actually leave us alone. To our surprise he introduced himself and immediately disappeared, leaving us to fondled (the phones) to our heart’s content. After poking and clicking all the different phone buttons I made my way over to the solder, found what I needed and went to the cash register to pay.
That’s when I saw her. Six-feet tall, wavey brown hair that rested on her shoulders and dark GREEN eyes. She was kind of cute in the face area, but I wasn’t totally enamored with the belly that heavily hung over her sturdy belt. My eyes didn’t linger too long as I was only interested in getting my solder and going to COSTCO!

Pretty-in-the-face-fat-in-the-belly-girl: Are you all ready?

Me: Yup

PITFFITBG: Before I ring this up would you be interested in a GPS? They’re on special for only $99.99.

Me: Nope, I’ve got my brain to help me with directions.

PITFFITBG: (condescendingly) Oh right, you don’t need a GPS because you’re a guy.

Me: No, it’s not that, I’ve lived in this city for 23 years and I pretty much know my way around.

PITFFITBG: Not me, I don’t have a very good sense of direction.

Me: Yeah, that’s like my sister, she needs specific directions, starting from her front door.

PITTFFITBG: Ok would you like any batteries?

(Always with the batteries!)

Me: No just the solder

She runs the transaction and it seems like I’m going to get out of there with minimal hassle. Stapling my receipt she says:

PITFFITBG: So you have T-mobile huh? When are you going to upgrade?

Me: (annoyed) Upgrade to what?

PITFFITBG: You don’t know? To Vibrant! Vibrant is amazing.

Me: Oh I see, but I–
PITFFITBG: What kind of phone to do you have?

(Realizing any phone I named would be less than the vibrant)

Me: Just a phone. It dials and texts, that’s all I need.

PITFFITBG: You need to see the vibrant! Austin, go in the back and get a vibrant!

I shot a piercing look to Austin who appeared a tad miserable as his hoochie coworker was desperately trying to sell me some piece of shit that I clearly did not want or need.

Me: Don’t bother Austin, I don’t want to see it, I’ve got all the vibrant I need, I’m vibrant on the inside!

And with that I turned and walked away, but not before fatty gave a parting shot dripping with sarcasm and attitude towards HES (who had been quiet this whole time).

PITFFITBG: Wow he uses his brain for directions AND he’s full of vibrant, you’ve got a real keeper there girl.

My ears were surprised that she would cut such a tone with me because I didn’t want to buy crap I didn’t need. For a split second I really thought about turning around and giving her a few words, but I figured anything I had to say would be lost on a minimum wage employee at radio shack. Instead I walked out, turned to HES and said in disbelief “Wow she was kind of a $%#!” HES agreed with a healthy nod and with that we went to COSTCO! We got a new phone with all the trimmings for far less than radio shack could have offered……without any of the hassle.
Plus we got samples, lots and lots of samples.

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