It’s gotta be da shoes!

I’m not sure how long I’ve been doing this, but it must be somewhere in the ’several years’ department. I have the super hero ability to recognize everyone I know and just about everyone I work with from the ankles down. Maybe you have this ability as well, I don’t know, but it dawned on me while I was at work releasing a quick twosie one afternoon. It wasn’t because that’s where I do all my great thinking, but rather the way the bathroom is setup. There is only one stall and one urinal and they’re side by side. So when I’m sitting down contemplating the meaning of life and a fellow employee comes in to drain the main vein it seems natural to take a look at his shoes. What surprised me was I totally knew who was standing just inches away from me on the other side of the stall wall. Stall wall, that’s fun to say, spread it around. “Oh, there’s Roy with his New Balance, and Steve with his leather loafers, ah I see Brian has entered with his steel toed Doc Marten’s, that’s Jappo with his Addidas, I see Lee and his Vans are taking a leak, and who is that schlomping in with his bare feet? Is that Fernando?! Que pasa mi hermano!” That crazy guy sure does love to feel the water between his toes.

After realizing that I could name everyone by their shoes it dawned on me that’s what I do when I meet anyone. I always look at their shoes, maybe not right away, but before they walk away my eyes wander down to their feet. Especially with women. Looking at their shoes is a good excuse to look at everything else all the way down. Sometimes my eyes like to take a round trip back up just to make sure I got everything.

I guess some part of me adheres to that saying that “you can tell a lot about a man by his shoes”. You can see where he’s been, where he’s going, if he stepped in doggie dunk on the way over, all sorts of stuff! I know that I really started to care about my shoes in the start of college, before that is was ‘whatever’. I think the shoes are the cherry on the bottom for a whole outfit, it’s amazing what a white pair of Reebok Pumps (remember those?) could do to an Armani pin striped suit. Or Teva sandals with white socks and khacki pants. I can see you getting a visual in your head, see what I mean? Therefore it’s important to pick your shoes wisely.

….And women. Oh sweet women. If you only knew the power you had with your shoes. Phil’s roomate’s wife has some awesome shoes that I think all ladies should take note of. You can never, ever go wrong with black strappy shoes. Black strappy shoes are
almost as good as the little black dress that every woman owns. Seriously. I’m hoping that my wife gets some awesome lingerie for her wedding shower but also I hope she gets some black strappy shoes. They’d better have strong latches on the straps because I don’t want those sexy shoes flying off during opening ceremonies of the wedding night! Y’know what I’m sayin’? Do ya? Cyber high five!

Would this count as a shoe fetish? I didn’t think that I was *that* much into them, but after re-reading what I’ve written I begin
to wonder, maybe I’ve got a thing for women in sexy shoes, or maybe just sexy women…..probably just women in general. Even though women’s shoe selection outnumber men’s 10 to 1 I think they need to realize that if they were to just harness the power of the black strappy heels, they’d be set for every outfit combination and social situation. Look:

Night on the town w/a miniskirt————-DING!
White T-shirt and jeans———————DING!
Uncle Harry’s Funeral———————–DING!
Washing the car in a bikini—————–DING!
Watching T.V. with me———————–DING!
Going to work w/a power blouse————–DING!
Scrubbing the bathroom———————-DING!
Eating Cotton Candy at the Carnival———DING!

As you can see from my handy-dandy list, black strappy heels are the only way to roll, and if you catch me looking, it’s ok because it’s the only way I’ll remember your name.

A word of advice:
Before you criticize someone, try walking a mile in their shoes, Because then you are a mile away and you have their shoes!


  1. Anthony B said,

    April 15, 2006 @ 8:32 am

    OK, I dont’ even know what to say about this one..
    That was utterly insane, but I’ll take it just the same..
    My wife just got done saying that she likes the dress that she has got picked out to wear tomorrow for Easter Sunday, but she has no clue what shoes to wear..
    I just told her to read your latest post and then her problem shall officially be solved because of your highly professional list there….
    Ok, I shall return.

    ABC signing out.

    __We are the Knights who say Ni__

  2. normaljean said,

    April 15, 2006 @ 9:03 am

    Making a mental note for our next lunch date. ;P

  3. Momma said,

    April 17, 2006 @ 4:27 pm

    Also, as if you have never noticed, strappy shoes make women’s calves rather interesting too!!

  4. Anthony B said,

    May 4, 2006 @ 8:03 am

    NOw, if I comment here again, will you then be alerted to it?
    Let me know..

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