Verbal Warnings

I bet you didn’t know that Officer Smith of the Oregon State Patrol very rarely gives just a verbal warning for driving 72 in a 55. See I didn’t either. But after he stopped me just to take a look at my license, registration and proof of insurance he decided to share that fun fact with me as well. But fortunately I have dealt with rural police men before, so I knew how to handle the situation.

After he runs all my info in the computer he comes back to get my story

Cop: Are you in a hurry to get somewhere?

Me: Uhh… Gilmore Girls on tonight?

Cop: I don’t think so.

Me: Then, nope. I’m not in a hurry at all!

Cop: Have you always been licensed in Oregon?

Me: Yes? (I thought it was trick)

Cop: Have you ever had a speeding ticket?

Me: Like 10 years ago, but that was from a small town cop and he was just looking to make quota.

Cop: Understandable, well it doesn’t look like you make a habit of speeding, what happened today?

(Flipping through my mental rolodex of excuses trying to find the one that fits)

Me: Honestly officer I was just enjoying the drive so much I didn’t notice my speed. It’s just so beautiful out here and the trees are so full of life and wonderment! The road is paved so perfectly I felt like I was gliding and plus I think I have to poop a little so my colon must’ve been sending signals to my foot to go faster.

Cop: I see. Yes it is very pretty out here. Seeing as how you don’t make a habit of speeding and you’re driving a Kia, in clear concious I just can’t give you a ticket. These Kias take at least 10 miles to reach 60mph so I know you haven’t been speeding for very long. But try to keep it down to 55. If I would’ve written you a ticket it would’ve cost you $142 and judging by your choice of vehicular transportation you wouldn’t have been able to afford it.

With that I shook his hand, thanked him for his kindness and then totally showered his car with gravel as I peeled out to get back on the road. Small town cops love to hear their countryside is the prettiest. This now makes 3 warnings for 3 speeding violations in the last 4 years, I’m done pressing my luck. It really sucks too, because I was making record time.


  1. momma said,

    August 1, 2006 @ 2:11 pm

    where were ya goin??

  2. Aimzee said,

    August 1, 2006 @ 5:05 pm

    Ahaha! *falls off chair* Around here they pull you over for stupid things such as “not wearing your seatbelt properly.” (Last months incident).

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