Morning Movies

I wish I could capture the moment I awake and play it through the whole day. The moment when my brain slowly sets sail away from dreamland and comes back to the now. My eyes creak open to let the rays of the sun bounce upon my pupils, I quickly close them and let out an abundant sigh and interlocking my fingers, I put my hands behind my head. In the stillness that consumes me my head begins to spin and my life, events, people, everything is played before me. In this hazy movie screen everything always seems so clear and simple. Things that confuse me during the waking hours are solved here. My apprehensions, indecisions, fears, frustrations and ego are all washed away and I can clearly see how things should be, and how I should be. Images and feelings flash quickly onto the canvas and with each one there is a knowing sense within me that understands what I need to do. The difficult phone call I have to make later in the day is suddenly easy, and I know exactly what I should say. The apprehension of confronting a friend about a problem plays flawlessly in my head and I am at ease. Even worries about money or my future fall to the wayside and I have an astounding cocoon of peace. Sometimes seemingly random images or people will enter and instantly I will remember that I have failed to call them back or wish them happy birthday. Even more crazy things flood my cranium during these times, but I’ll share those some other time.

Sadly my movie is often ripped off the reel by the alarm clicking on. The feelings of assurance and intrepidity sometimes continue to stay for a brief time but usually as I wake up and head towards the shower they soak back into the cognizant Micah. By the end of the day with the usual drudgery taking its toll things aren’t as easy as I think they should be. That phone call was tough and the words didn’t come out right. I skipped talking to a friend and watched TV instead. I worried about how I was going to pay off my loans…etc. Sometimes there is a small glimmer of hope and I remember how the movie played in the morning. I remember I was supposed to say this or that to him or her or call so-and-so. When I do it, I know it’s a step in the right direction, I just wish it was possible to follow this script all day long. Maybe then I’d be different, maybe then we’d all be different?

I do not know.

Do you?

5 Comments »

  1. Phil said,

    August 29, 2006 @ 10:23 pm

    We’ve discussed it. I don’t know :(

  2. normaljean said,

    August 30, 2006 @ 12:02 am

    Well, you cant have order without chaos too. It’s a balance thing. :) Just imagine how boring everything would be if things were always perfect!?

  3. Anthony said,

    August 30, 2006 @ 3:44 am


    YEs, I do know..
    I know that you watching tv instead of calling your beautiful black beast sounds all to familiar to me..
    Is that why I sit by the phone just saying to myself, “RING”….”RING” GOSH DANGIT…!!! ???????????
    Becuase of you not making that movie in your head reality?

  4. Billy said,

    August 30, 2006 @ 7:19 am

    Doooood! Beautiful black beast? Whoa, there, fellah.

    Have you tried alcohol or drugs? I hear that solves problems like yours.

  5. momma said,

    August 30, 2006 @ 10:13 am

    Hey - remember you were supposed to call me this week? Seriously!! On the other hand, work on recreating those peaceful times by closing your eyes for 5 seconds and remembering and then you will feel refreshed!! Perhaps I should follow my own advice!! love to you.

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