Today he turns old

As most of you are at home celebrating a joyous Easter with your family, I think we should take a moment and remember that it is a dark day for some. Y’see today, my dear friend David turns 30 years old. This may not seem old to some, but let me assure you, it is and he is. It’s a good thing his birthday fell on Easter for such a monumental age. It’s like, “here’s some eternal life, you’re gonna need it…..b/c you’re almost dead!”. It’s been a good 30 years for old Dave, he’s had a good run. I remember the days he used to play with little green army men and stay home from school because he had the sniffles. Now he’s grown into a man that plays with little racecars and is excited about obtaining an ogre slaying knife that has a +9 against ogres. It’s amazing that he even got married and no longer orders mudslides as his ‘drink of choice’ when we’re out on the town.

Yup, much has changed for old Dave in the last thirty years I hope he can make it another thirty. What’s that smell?? Oh it’s death coming to gather his harvest of souls. Throw your walker aside Dave! You can beat this old age epidemic! Raise your glass my friends and give a toast to the old man with three nipples. Do it soon, before his final breath has left him.

Happy Birthday Dave!!!


  1. Anthony said,

    April 8, 2007 @ 8:55 pm

    hey, how did you know that I had 3 nipples?
    Hey, I called you several times this last week?
    Have you had your phone turned off or something?
    Call me back son…
    I got that cool pics from here..

    YOu must love it..

  2. Phil said,

    April 9, 2007 @ 11:18 am

    “It’s been a good 30 years for old Dave, he’s had a good run.” Sound like you’re putting him out to pasture!

  3. mego said,

    April 9, 2007 @ 11:32 am

    dave, happy 31st!

  4. momma said,

    April 9, 2007 @ 11:38 am

    Happy B-Day Dave!! the years have weathered you well - keep it going!!

  5. Jake said,

    April 9, 2007 @ 12:07 pm

    Dave has lived a decade for each nipple… He better grow a fourth one for the new decade!

    May his years be long and his body be covered with nipples!

  6. David said,

    April 9, 2007 @ 2:53 pm

    Mr. Nowack, I have merely opened a door you are following me through in 7 months! If I am going down, I am taking you with me! Luckily I have my “Wand of the prevailing nipple” to save me… It has +5 nipple growth! Which, we have established, will keep me alive the next 50 years. Thank you for the bleak look into my sad, sad life. :(

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