I needed this like a hole in my head…..

Oh wait, I already have the hole.

If you’re a frequent reader of my blog, you’ll recall a few weeks ago that my fake molar fell out of my face. If this is your first time reading my blog, basically a few weeks ago my fake molar fell out of my face. Everyone gasped and guffawed when I mentioned that I had not been to the dentist in 7 years, and was finally being forced to go since I was missing a tooth. You’ll all be proud to know that the very next day I called the dentist to schedule an appointment, but he was out of town for two weeks and I would have to wait until after labor day. Fast forward to this week and on Wednesday I was able to get in to see Mr. Dentist.

Everyone was happy to see me and they couldn’t believe how much I’ve grown in the last 7 years, I felt like a celebrity. Toothman took a look at my hole and gave me my two options for getting it fixed. Either an implant or a bridge. I wasn’t too thrilled with my options, but more on that later. After 2 minutes of poking around he said “Is there anything else you’d like me to look at?” A ton of smart aleck remarks flooded my head, I thought about asking him about my clicky elbow or my ingrown toenail or even asking him why men have nipples?! Instead I said, “Oh, I don’t know…do you think I need a cleaning or anything? It’s been 7 years…” ‘Oh MY!” Was his response. “I thought you had been to a dentist in the past 7 years, even if it wasn’t us. I think a full examination is in order.”

With that he got up and had nurse pokey come in with her sharp metal instruments. She poked and prodded, scraped and pulled, but my gums and teeth were as solid as a grill on a ‘58 Buick Special. She cleaned my teeth and went out to the hallway where I overheard the doc gasp, “Are you already done?!” “Yes master doctor, his teeth are like a dream. White like an Elephant’s tusk and strong like a Camel’s back, I am honored that you let me work on him today.” The dentist came back in and told me the good news, no cavities! He was just as surprised as I was. Later, we all had a good laugh over a chocolate milkshake (one shake, two straws) and salt-water taffy.

Now for the annoying/WTF news. The fake tooth that fell out was part of a Maryland, or Marilyn bridge. I couldn’t understand what he called it but I think it’s something like that. Basically it was a fake tooth held in place by metal bracket things that clasp onto the surrounding teeth. It’s bonded down so it’s semi-permanent. It was a good, easy, CHEAP fix that lasted for 13 years. Now the doc tells me that they don’t do those anymore. All you can get is implants (drill a whole in your jaw bone and stick a screw down there) or a proper bridge. The thing is, both of those options are around $3,000! I do have dental insurance but more than that I don’t know that I really want them to drill into my jawbone, or shave down my teeth for the bridge. That’d be like cutting the tip of your middle finger off and them saying, we’re going to need to drill a screw into your finger just to reattach the tip. Seems unnecessary. Why the heck can’t they do the cheap fix that lasted for 13 years?

Does anyone know anything about this? (Laura I am really looking in your direction since you make teeth for a living). I’m thinking about calling around and seeing if maybe it’s just my dentist that doesn’t do this anymore. If anybody has any experience with this let me know. In the meantime I’m going to do my own research and keep putting my tongue in the gap.


  1. Anthony B. said,

    September 6, 2008 @ 8:56 am

    ok, thats just insane…
    Dude, I have no idea what to tell you there…
    But I do want to thank you for giving me the idea about the email
    being matched against others in the DATA BASE..
    I will prolly set that up today, if I get time before I have to go to worky..
    I will also work out a time when you and I and the Bill-ster can get together
    for some ole strumming..
    I shall return…
    ABC OUT!

  2. Reese said,

    September 7, 2008 @ 10:54 pm

    I have two screwed in fakes if it makes you feel any better… I’ve had two root canals and they put a screw up into the jaw to anchor the cap onto what they leave of a ground-down tooth.

    It’s not that bad.

    Honestly the shot to numb you is the worst part and if you don’t have any infection, even that is not so bad.

  3. mego said,

    September 8, 2008 @ 7:28 am

    it’s amazing that you had no cavities… share some of that goodness with me!

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