Phil will not let me Testify

I don’t know why he won’t. He says to me ‘come over and we will have fun!’ so I do. But everytime I do he squelches my fun. He recently moved back into his condo, set up his 100″ projected TV screen, hooked up his xbox and said “let’s play rockband”. On a cold Wednesday night I headed out with the boys and descended upon Phil’s tiny condo. When we arrived we learned of the new rules set out by Phil and his cat Archie.

Rule #1
No having fun

Rule #2
We play 2 or 3 songs on each instrument before switching

Rule #3
Everyone sings. Yes that includes you. He doesn’t care if you can’t sing, you sing.

Rule #4 (this is the new one)
No singing ‘Testify’ by Rage Against the Machine.

I am writing this post to say I would like Rule #4 abolished. All week long I wear a suit and sit at my desk at work while I am quietly raging against the machine. So you can imagine my disappointment when I don’t get the chance to pump my fist, move my hips and march around to Tom Morelo’s (guitar player for RATM) tasty grooves during a rockband night at Phil’s. This simply has to stop. First RATM and then what’s next? El Scorcho by Weezer? There have been talks of banning that song as well and to that I say ‘Goshdarn you half-Japanese Phils’ (edited for my sister’s eyes).

This guy right here needs to Testify, it doesn’t matter if I sing that song every time I play rockband. I should be allowed. I will also say I am the guy that tries all the songs that are way out of my range so Phil can play harder drums, for that I want to Testify. It’s only fair. At least I am not like Dave who was raised on oatmeal and soundtracks and amazingly knows only 2 or 3 of the 230 songs one can choose from in the game. Nothing slows down a night of rockband like Dave stepping up to sing.

Anyways if you would like to get a chance to Testify, your opportunity is fast approaching. NEXT Saturday (31st) Phil is having a rockband party at his condo on his 100″ screen. There will be horrible singing, people looking like retards on the drums and in general a happy good time. Stop by, drink a beer and sing a few songs with us, who knows we might even get to Testify.


  1. mego said,

    January 26, 2009 @ 9:40 am

    i like rule#3- everyone has to sing.. that would be too funny…. but seriously, have you ever worn a tie to work? just wondering…

  2. Jake said,

    January 28, 2009 @ 9:49 am

    Wow, the whole internet is invited to Phil’s Rock Band party? Does he know about this???

  3. Anthony said,

    February 21, 2009 @ 3:10 pm

    Wowsa, I might just have to try to get the night off to do that witchyall…
    That sounds crazy coolio in 3 part harmony.. ;)

  4. » A Really Good Day said,

    April 25, 2010 @ 10:56 am

    […] left Kat’s house on a happy high while I made my way to Phil’s house so I could testify. He was complaining about how he was famished since he hadn’t eaten for 45 minutes so I […]

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