Can you hear me now? No.

“What if I’m under a blanket?” Came the inquiry from the elderly lady standing in the middle of the room.

“Good question” said the 5’2’ muscular, ball of energy instructor known as Renee.

Without missing a beat Renee sprinted between the 40+ women in the room towards the back wall. She flung a few pads and a man-sized dummy on the floor and grabbed a blue blanket as she ran towards the front of the class. Laying down and pulling the blanket over her body she yelled, “Where’s Micah?”.


Normally anytime a woman is lying flat on her back and calls out my name I am quick to respond. But I had been a little hesitant all day as every time my name was called within seconds I was getting kicked in the groin, hit in the face, elbowed in the ribs, chopped in the throat. That’s not the typical response I strive for from the females but it was all for a good cause as I was the ‘demo guy’ for my Krav Maga school’s Rape Prevention Class. After three and a half hours of it I was glad the class was almost done and that I was still injury free.

 I straddled Renee as she pretended to sleep and began choking her with my hands. –Side note I know that sounds horrible but really I am a nice guy, this isn’t a normal Saturday for me…it was all part of the plan. End side note—

 With surprisingly strong movement she thrust her hips in the air and twisted her body causing me to fall to the side. She continued her motion and I was quickly on my back defending all her blows towards my head. Most of her blows were ‘pulled’ i.e. not full force until “WHACK!”



Without warning she smacked me right across my ear hole. I grimaced in pain while she finished pummeling me. When I came to my feet I realized my ear was ringing and I couldn’t hear very well. Frustrated, I discretely walked over to the corner of the room and tried to recover. Fortunately the class was nearly finished and as soon as it was I ducked out and went home.

At home I stood in the shower soaking my sweaty bod and was glad the pain had gone away, but so had my hearing. I wholeheartedly wished I could have the attitude of Dilios in the movie 300 when he loses his eye:

King Leonidas: Dilios, I trust that ‘scratch’ hasn’t made you useless.
Dilios: Hardly, my lord, it’s just an eye. The gods saw fit to grace me with a spare.


And maybe I would have that outlook if only I had a spare. Unfortunately as most people reading this already know, my right ear has been through the battlefields of infections, trauma and the doctor’s knife. The hearing loss is significant and so I rely heavily on the power of my left ear, but no longer since Renee smacked me directly in the left ear.

After much debating and calling the nurse hotline I decided to go to urgent care that night. I didn’t want to, mainly because I try to avoid doctors/hospitals like I do mushrooms but I figured since it was my only good ear I should get it checked out. Nearly two hours of waiting in the waiting room and the little room with the tongue depressors the doc finally came in. He was a young guy with a blonde beard, graying hair and manky teeth. He took a peak and did the standard doctor ‘uhuh’. He told me there was definite trauma to the ear as there was blood on the eardrum. He went to look something up on the computer and left me to wait for another 20 minutes. I was going crazy since I knew the Blazer game was just starting and I was locked in an 8×8 room. As it turns out I wasn’t missing much in the way of a ‘game’, my poor blazies got slaughtered. Young beard doc came back in, took another long look and said that he couldn’t see if there were any tears or holes, but that I should see a specialist ASAP.

Monday rolled around and fortunately I was able to get in the same day to see a specialist. HES was kind enough to pick me up and wait with me to see the new special ear doc. The doc came out and called us back to his room. He was a short man with a soft British voice and genuine spirit. When he smiled, laugh lines descended from his eyes like trenches down to his chin. I liked him already. I told him the story (every doc wants to hear the story) and he said “jolly good show young lad, sounds like you got boxed in the ears! Now let me ‘ave a butchers hook in there before that woman has another go at ‘em.”

He looked and said ‘uhuh’ but didn’t seem ultra happy, which in turn didn’t make me uber happy. He pulled out a pad and drew me a picture of my eardrum, which is actually really easy because it closely resembles a circle. Showed me where there was a small blood clot on the ear and much to my unhappiness that there were also two small tears in the eardrum. He said there was nothing really to do at this point except wait for it to heal. In a normal, healthy ear that hasn’t had much trauma there is over a 74% chance that it will heal on it’s own, if it doesn’t they will do surgery.

So now how I feel is half deaf. I’m not totally deaf as I can talk on the phone, but everything sounds muffled like I’m underwater. My voice sounds like it’s in my chest and not ‘out’ like it usually does. This is most frustrating and I’m doing my best to stay cool and be patient but it’s hard. I have another appointment with Brit Doc next week to see if there is any healing and he said due to all the blood in the head we should be able to see some healing by next week. I sure hope so because I don’t think I can live much longer like this. In the meantime I’m keeping my head up and being thankful that I have two eyes and knowing that Krav Maga really does work. Also I’ve learned my lesson about straddling small women. Don’t. (unless you’re ready for a ride)




  1. mego said,

    April 23, 2009 @ 8:21 am

    the whole thing really stinks, and i feel so bad for you… what’s going on in this crazy universe? i’ll put out good energy and we’ll believe that your ear will heal, no problemo.

  2. Amy said,

    April 23, 2009 @ 1:27 pm

    Ack! I’m so sorry you got hurt Micah. I’ll be praying for you! Hopefully it’ll heal up on it’s own without surgery.

  3. Jake said,

    April 23, 2009 @ 3:49 pm

    You should tilt your head sideways with your hurt ear down. Then jump up and down on one leg while hitting your other ear over and over with your hand (in rhythm with your jumping).

    It worked in Hawaii…

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