I want Chuck Norris For Christmas

Here are the reasons why:

Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying “booya”.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

According to Einstein’s theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Wilt Chamberlin claims to of slept with over 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this “a slow Tuesday.”

Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

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