Today Is Me Day!

Avast Ye!
Another year hast past and International Talk like a Pirate Day be upon us. Another time for all ye scalawags to prance
around acting like a pirate. Well I’m here to tell ye landlubbers it ain’t all it’s cracked up to be, so splice the mainbrace of yer kindest grog and give ‘an ear.

Yaargh, sailin’ the seven seas puts a weight on a salty dog’s soul. The open sea is me true home, but sometimes ye want firm
ground underneath yer soles. I remember dockin’ into a kindly lil’ port a few years back. Me buckos and me were worn to the
bones and lookin’ fer a place to fill our hogshead. It had been dry fer 12 days and me mates were feelin’ a might restless. We
found what we was looking fer, but we also ran into some bilge-sucking buccaneers from the North Sea that didn’t take to
kindly to ‘ole Jolly Roger. They had trained killer attack parrots that wielded deadly pecking power. Yaargh, that’s how I lost
me eye. Me yellabellied mates were already pushing off by the time I was finally free of the parrots, I had to run and climb
Jacob’s ladder just to board me own ship! And I’m the Cap’n! Anyways we had to leave with such haste we was only able to
secure some cackle fruit, enough bumboo to twice fill our black jacks and maggot infested blackbread. One our best plunders
to date!

To celebrate, that night I had the cook make salmagundi grub. While the cook was cookin’, some of me matey’s were able to
secure some gull meat, I thought it should be added to the meal, so I burst forth into the cooking area to surprise the cook.
Yaargh, that’s how I lost me hand. Never startle the cook when he’s a choppin’ the meat. All was not lost though, we had even
more meat to add to the grub. Best salmagundi ever.

A few weeks later when we was hangin’ near the end of the hempen halter I peered through mine spyglass with me remaining
eye and spotted a merchant ship. Shiver me Timbers! What a spot to see! I gathered me fellow freebooters and formed a plan
of attack. We shot mighty hot lead at the side of that ship, yes we did, but in the fury of the fight one our cannons cracked and
blew apart our last powder monkey! The rest of the blaggard boatswains were too scared to fire anymore cannons so the task
was left to me. I was the one who single handedly made that blasted merchant ship surrender, without the help of me prissy
deck swabs! But it was all for nought! I boarded the merchant ship and that is where I laid me eye upon the sauciest wench in
the South Sea. Gwendolyn. She was a strong beaut that had the finest pirate booty I have ever laid eye on, and frankly it needed
to be boarded. Her husband was a small smart to be reckoned with but I quickly had him walkin’ the plank to Davey Jone’s
Locker. Some of me men tried to drop their anchor in Gwendolyn’s lagoon, but I would have none of it! Before they knew it I
had three of them’s lights and liver with the help of me trusty cutlass, and the other two were sent back to mine ship to kiss the gunner’s daughter. Yargh, what a fine day it was for pillagin’, killin’, plunderin’ and firin’ me cannon through Gwendolyn’s
porthole. Some days ye wake up and just know it’s going to be a plentiful day.

I hope this is a small lesson to ye, that being a pirate ain’t all it seems. Some days yer hanging by the keelhaul other times yer ridin’ the top o’ the mast with the wind beneath yer loins. Remember these words as ye go through this day, and remember to
keep yer fellow seamen in mind or y’ull be feedin’ the fish just like Gwendy’s lil’ husband.

~Wankin’ Skyler Drake

I ’spose ye all want some links to help ye through the day. Well. Ok.

Talk like me!

Get your Pirate name try using upper and lower case letters.

The only place I prefer to plunder for Pirate Goods.

Some pickup lines that helped me get ‘ole Gwendy:

That’s some treasure chest you’ve got there.

They don’t call me Long John because my head is so big.

You’re drinking a Salty Dog? How’d you like to try the real thing?

Well blow me down?

Avast, me proud beauty! Wanna know why my Roger is so Jolly?

Wanna help me raise the mast?

Cap’n Lazy Eye Ducky says: Quuaarrgghkk

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